Weird Crime Takes No Holiday: Best of OMG PD 2012

In the course of keeping the peace and prosecuting scofflaws, members of law enforcement must write detailed, unvarnished accounts of incidents and investigations. Even if those details do not flatter the individuals involved. Those very public records are the basis for our weekly weird crime roundup, OMG PD. Here, we present the best (or worst) of OMG PD from 2012:

Area Woman Dislikes Stories About Area Men, Women

This Menomonee Falls wife attacked her husband because she found pornography in the trunk of his car. But porn is in the eye of the beholder.

Spuds McKenzie has been located

Everything about this story says “drunk out of his mind.” Except for one crucial detail.

I’ll skip the conjugal visit and stay in the cell, if that’s OK

A Waukesha County Jail inmate enjoyed a visit from a special lady.

Two of them, actually.

At the same time. With predictable results.

Orientation did not cover this

Just a week into a new job in Wauwatosa, a Greenfield woman arrived at the office to find what she believes was a cross-dresser lying between her desk and her wall.

This week on ‘Felonious NASCAR Grannies’

She was HOW old, and stole WHAT while riding a WHAT?

Forget the nicotine patch

How to stop smoking in 10 seconds or less.

MVP = Most Visible …

What was the name of the famous guy who supposedly did this? Brent something?

Who was that caller … SATAN?!

It’s not clear if a caller to a crisis center in Wauwatosa was looking to unburden himself, get advice or just mortify the 85-year-old church receptionist on the other end of the line.

Never shoulda left the band

Perhaps we know what Steve Perry is doing now.

This is your brain on drugs

A plan by two young men to convert a Muskego marijuana buy into a theft collapsed in a fusillade of criminal incompetence. It ended with one man bruised, scraped, covered in mud and walking from the scene, and the other with his car both T-boned and on fire. Along with the obligatory felony charges.

Stay classy, Milwaukee

Normally, a leak works out to a reporter’s benefit.

Three’s Company, indeed

Here’s a request you’d better know the answer to before you make it.

Sounds like somebody needs a Happy Meal

Many of us have made the 3:30 a.m. drive-through run in younger days, and by then you’ll eat anything. This woman was a bit too picky.

Introducing the Sub-Value Menu

A McDonald’s bag hurtled from car driving through Port Washington did not contain half-eaten fries or McRibs remnants. Well maybe it did, but not in their original form.

Next time, just put it on Craigslist

Don’t go digging for loose change in these sofa cushions.

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The above items are from reports from local police departments and district attorneys. In all incidents where an arrest occurred, a charge is merely an accusation and not evidence of guilt. The arrested person is presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.