American Horror Story: Happy Birthday, Devil's Spawn!

We really go back in time - 1947 - right away in this episode. I love those old cars, with their whitewall tires and big, round shapes and colors that don't seem to exist on this earth.

The house is a dentist's office? Oh, boy. Give me a minute to rein in my imagination for all that could go wrong with dental tools. Ahem.

A young, beautiful actress/patient has a dahlia in her hair and offers her, um, assets to help pay her dental bill. Yeah. This is not going to end well, and of course we're right. A young mother is wheeling her daughter down the boardwalk and comes across the actress' body in the tall grasses, a hideous new smile cut across her face.

Back in 2011, Moira is enticing Ben, but he admirably (?) puts her off, saying he loves his wife and just wants a normal, boring family. Moira (accurately, I think) says Ben's spirit is willing but his flesh is weak and it's just a matter of time.

Meanwhile, over at Crazy Connie's house, she is drunk, painting and telling her boy toy Travis what a piece of crap he is. She also accuses him of "diddling" Addie (ew) and then throws him out to go get more cigarettes. He leaves and Hayden whistles at him from just inside the gate of the Harmon property.

"You want me to get you some candy, little girl?" he asks. Oh, Travis. Just keep walking.

But of course he doesn't and ends up doing more than diddling Hayden because she wanted to make sure she could still "do it" with a guy who's alive. Uh-oh. And now double uh-oh when she tells Travis that she's moving in soon because she and Dr. Harmon are in love.

Snap! Hayden's sister shows up with a detective and wants to know what happened to her sister. She knows Hayden is pregnant with Ben's baby and then accuses Ben of dumping Hayden in a hole somewhere. HA!

Double snap! Hayden appears in the kitchen and says she isn't answering her sister's calls because she didn't think her sister gave a damn. After the sister and detective leave, she announces her intention to stay in La-La Land and oh, yeah, she had the abortion. Well, no matter. You can't start to show when you're dead, right?

The dead actress shows up in Ben's office, saying she thinks something bad might happen to her, she does things with men that she shouldn't, she just needs her one, big break. Oh, yeah, something bad definitely happened to her. Elizabeth Short is her name and how she'll pay for treatment includes unbuttoning her dress. Ben stops her, though, and is saved by a bell of sorts when his phone rings.

Viv's baby doctor is calling because ... Viv's twins have two different daddy's!

"Extremely rare," she says. Oh, Doc. If you only knew.

So of course Constance comes over to accuse Violet of doing her Travis Toy, but Moira sets her straight, including spilling the beans about the Baby Daddy, er, Daddies. Crazy Connie makes a beeline for the basement, calling for Tate to confront him about Viv. She smacks him around when he doesn't deny it.

"Do you realize what you've done?" Constance cries. Um, no, Connie, he doesn't, and neither do you!

So Elizabeth and Moira are going at it in the library and they invite Ben to play with them, too. He has a very brief fantasy of joining in, but then throws Elizabeth out and tells Moira she's fired. Ben leaves in a huff, but Hayden appears and gives Elizabeth the bad news about her death since Elizabeth seems to have no clue.

Back in 1947, the good dentist used his special gas to put female patients under and then had his way with them before working on their teeth. Only with Elizabeth, he used too much gas and ended up killing her. After dragging her to the basement the good dentist runs into the good Doctor Montgomery who "helps" by bisecting her body and giving her a "smile." But in 2011, Elizabeth learns that for two months she was front page news, achieving her goal of being famous.

Ben goes to visit Viv and tells her all about herself while she's sedated and restrained, saying he wouldn't lift a finger to help her get out of the mental hospital. But Viv is awake and she looks hurt and bewildered listening to Ben because of course she has no idea about the two daddies and thinks Ben was wearing the suit that fateful night.

Hayden and Ben are drinking together, flashing back to when they first got it on. In present day, he apologizes to Hayden, says he doesn't love her, never did and he blames himself for the path they went down. She asks for a hug and I really think she's going to kill him, but she doesn't. So what does she say? She lies to Ben about Viv's "relationship" with Luke, the security expert.

Crazy Connie asks Travis to marry her, which floors him and the audience watching from the safety of our couches. She says there's going to be a child and she wants to bring the baby into her house and raise the baby with Travis. He talks about his career, but she throws his dreams in his face, ridiculing his dream of being in his skivvies 60-feet high, says that if she couldn't get her dream of being famous, neither will Travis.

He storms out and has angry sex with Hayden in the basement of the Harmon house, but just when she wants cuddle time, Travis says he's going back to work things out with Constance because they have a baby on the way. He had a really good time, though, and he'll be back, of course. Hayden asks for a hug and this time, she kills, stabbing Travis repeatedly in his chest and then his back once he falls down.

Constance is not going to be happy about this.

Hayden realizes she now has a body to dispose of so the good Doctor Montgomery appears to "help," and Hayden worries that Ben will go to prison. She calls Larry Half-face because he owes her a favor. We see him skulking near where he dumped the body at the base of an underpass as it's discovered by some guys playing basketball.

Constance goes to see Viv in the hospital and their conversation is beyond creepy. She vows to be there for Vivien, says she understands the pain of being doubted by everyone around her. Viv admits to Constance that she was raped, that she didn't hallucinate anything. Crazy Connie says of course she believes Viv and she will not tell anyone.

Ben sets off the alarm to get Luke to the house, of course to accuse Luke of having an affair with Viv and fathering one of her babies. Luke says he's shooting blanks and then dresses Ben down for locking his wife away and accusing her of being a whore. He leaves and Ben sees the light.

He is holding the rubber suite when he asks Moira for the truth. Ben tells Moira that Viv was attacked and suddenly he sees Moira as the older woman/ghost she really is.

"Congratulations, Dr. Harmon," she says. "You're beginning to see things for the way they really are."

Constance is in her kitchen with Billie, the psychic, and Billie asks why she keeps seeing pictures of babies. Connie asks what happens when a person copulates with a spirit and at first, Billie doesn't take her seriously. When she sees that Constance's question is not one of mere curiosity, Billie tells Constance about the Room of Tears at the Sistine Chapel.

Apparently, when a new Pope is chosen, he is led into this room and given a key to a box that holds the secret of the end of the world, the nature of the Anti-Christ.

"A baby born of human and spirit will usher in the end of times," Billie says. "It is the essence of evil, a perversion of the Immaculate Conception ... if the Devil is going to use a human womb for his spawn, he's going to want a little more bang for his buck."