'Don't Want Her Story Forgotten': Grieving Mom Speaks Of Loss

WAUWATOSA, WI—Mother's Day is hard for Wauwatosa mom Autumn Gentry without her 3-year-old daughter, Isla. The little girl, who was affectionally nicknamed "Isla Bear," died in August from acute myeloid leukemia, an aggressive form of cancer.

Gentry and her husband, Michael Gentry, miss her fuzzy-head snuggles, dance moves and giant hugs, Autumn Gentry said.

Her oldest son, Sawyer, 6, also misses his little sister who loved to wrestle with him. Ellis, 20 months, was just a baby when Isla died, Gentry said.

Isla developed a strange rash on her legs in July 2019, when she was 2 1/2. Her mom brought her to the pediatrician, who did blood tests, which confirmed her diagnosis. The little girl underwent eight months of high-intensity chemotherapy, which required monthslong stays in the MACC Fund Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders at Children's Wisconsin hospital. She underwent two months of immunotherapy trail drug at Lurie in Chicago.

In November 2019, Isla's cancer relapsed during treatment, and she needed a bone marrow transplant. But she was unable to receive the transplant, and in July, Isla developed a hematoma at the base of her spinal cord that would slowly paralyze her.

During that same procedure, it was discovered that her cancer had grown aggressively over two weeks, immunotherapy had stopped working, and she was given only a few weeks to live. She died shortly thereafter.

Friends and family were drawn to Isla's story because you wouldn't know she had cancer just by looking at her, Autumn Gentry said.

A Horse Spirit

In Isla's yearlong cancer battle, she packed in a lot of life, her mom said. When she was home between treatments, you would find her wrestling and playing with Sawyer.

Isla was obsessed with the Netflix show "Spirit Riding Free," about a spunky ex-city girl who forms a tight bond with Spirit, a wild horse, and having adventures with her friends.

Isla was even able to visit a horse farm, where she rode a horse.

Despite her illness, Isla galloped around the hospital with full energy. "She ran the unit at Children's and in Chicago," Autumn Gentry said. "Every single nurse and doctor was in love with you."

Isla took delight in entertaining her nurses and riding a toy giraffe around the halls at top speed. She would bust out in an "evil villain-type laugh" as she roamed the halls, her mother said.

Another one of her favorite shows was "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood," which builds on the PBS series, "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood."

For such a young kid, she was nurturing to other parents visiting their sick children. Isla would recite nuggets of advice from the program in her interactions.

"She had such a bright light and was so of full life the entire way through," Autumn Gentry said.

The Grieving Process

Autumn and Michael Gentry continue to share stories about Isla with their boys. When Ellis was a newborn, he was able to see her in the hospital. The mom said Isla fawned all over her new brother.

Sawyer was very close to his sister, and it was difficult for him to talk to Isla only through Zoom. "He is missing her, but we talk about her a lot," Autumn Gentry said.

Autumn Gentry came up with an idea for a book while trying to figure out how to explain what happened to Sawyer. "I didn't want him to focus on memories of us not paying attention to him that year," she said.

The book documents Isla's year in the hospital and explains what Sawyer was doing in that period. Gentry wrote about how they made things special for him.

"It was a way to help me process it while helping [Sawyer]," Autumn Gentry said. "It was a productive thing to do to honor her and help him."

This Mother's Day, Autumn Gentry plans to take some much-needed time for herself. Michael Gentry will bring in brunch and will do the shopping. At night, there will be a family dinner.

But Mother's Day is still difficult for Autumn Gentry.

Mother's Day

"Mother's Day can be hard for a lot of people such as those with fertility issues or [who have] miscarried," Autumn said. "People don't like to think about the loss of a child."

Many grief support groups focus on the loss of an infant, not a child, she added. "The recognition for that experience is so hard to think about that it isn't there," she said. "I think it was very special for someone to acknowledge the difficulty of that kind of day."

People can feel awkward bringing up the loss, she said. "It is never not in my head. Some people get skittish, and others constantly ask how you are doing," she said. For those people, she advised: "Follow someone's lead. If they start talking about their child, it is because they want to share."

Grief can feel very lonely, she said. She encourages friends and loved ones to reach out to grieving parents. A small gesture or acknowledgment can go a long way. "Big gestures aren't needed," she said. "Just knowing this day is hard, and people aren't forgetting [Isla's] story, is huge."

Autumn Gentry received a welcome surprise Friday: A "bouquet" of cookies sent by a registered nurse with a side business called Life's a Batch Cookies by Courtney. The woman who sent the anonymous gift — flower-shaped cookies in a vase with Isla's name — is also a mother in Wauwatosa and was moved by Isla's story.

Patch reached out to the business owner to get her full name but hadn't received a response as of Friday afternoon.

The cookie decorator announced on Facebook she was donating 50 percent of her Mother’s Day sales to the MACC Fund — Midwest Athletes Against Childhood Cancer Inc. for pediatric cancer research in memory of Isla.

"Acts of kindness and generosity like this continue to warm my heart. Knowing her story is told, her name is spoken and her smile remembered brings me peace," Autumn Gentry said.