I haven't been able to wrap my brain around all of this yet. And as I try to write, I am finally able to cry for the first time. Jackie Bear, friend for forty years, you are in a nursing home, with liver cancer, and no one can come see you. I've tried to call, but I haven't been able to reach you. I told the nurse, who said the phone system was not working, to tell you I love you.
You were so worried about getting the virus. The dreaded COVID-19. You took the "safer at home" orders pretty seriously.
You hadn't been feeling well, we're told, since February. But like so many people, you didn't want to go to the doctor. Hospitals have never been your favorite place. But especially not now. You toughed it out. You toughed it out until you couldn't any more. The doctors did some tests and found a growth on your liver. They scheduled you for more testing in a month. Perhaps they knew. Perhaps they felt like you would be better off spending these last days at home, seeing your friends, getting your affairs in order...enjoying what time you had.
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Two days later my sister came to see you. You were yellow with jaundice and so weak. She rushed you to the hospital. She fought for you to be treated. Flash forward to today. We wait for Pattie's every word about your condition. We love you Jack. We want to talk to you, we want to see you, we want you to know how much you mean to all of us. And we want you back. Whole. Healthy. Smiling and laughing and telling your corny jokes.
But we can't see you, because of the same virus that kept you from getting to the hospital sooner. Not in California. In California, we are neither in the land of the free, or the home of the brave. We are under orders to remain in a state of fear. Letting people die alone.
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I love you Jack. We all love you. We all want so badly to be with you. And we all know in our heart of hearts that this is wrong. This is terribly, utterly, completely wrong.
I love you Jack. I love you so much. I want to sit next to you and hold your hand and cry, and tell you face to face you much you mean to me.