Is your child bothered by bullies?

Dr. Carla Garrity, a child psychologist in Denver, Colorado and a national expert on bullying observed: “Approximately 10 percent of all children attending school are afraid through much of the school day. Some avoid lunch, recess, and playtime out of fear that they will be picked on or humiliated by bullies. Among them was a third-grade boy who refused to go to school after three fifth-grade boys surrounded him, taunted him, smeared him with animal excrement, then called him names. A 10-year-old girl avoided school after she was bribed into doing homework and errands for a female classmate who told her she would not be allowed into ‘the club’ unless she complied. And a boy in junior high was terrified to go back to school when a group of boys forced him to turn over his money, swallow weeds, drink milk mixed with detergent and allow himself to be led around on a leash.” The rash of school shootings including the recent incident in San Diego have been partially attributed to school bullies.

What can you do if your child is bothered by bullies?

First, do not assume that the bully will go away. According to Mary Miller, author of The School Book, “If your child is the object of teasing or bullying, do not assume that it will go away. Teasing and bullying usually do not disappear with the passing of time, but more often turn into scapegoating. Do not assume that your child can handle the problem alone. Targeted as the object of teasing or bullying, a child loses the very self-confidence and self-esteem that would enable her to cope. Therefore, step in to help.”

Second, help your child develop a listing of coping strategies. Your list of strategies should include the following:

• Urge your child to tell you if he is being bullied
• Get the child to identify times and places when the bullying occurs
• Role-play some assertive verbal strategies for dealing with the bullying behavior. There are many things your child could say including- ‘Name calling isn’t cool,’ ‘I don’t want to fight. Can’t we be friends instead? ‘Why are you mad at me? I never hurt you'
• Urge your child to travel with a group of friends to school and social events
• Urge your child to tell you if he is being bullied
• Have your child report the bully to the teacher
• If your child feels he is in danger, he should contact a school official immediately

Third, recognize the signs that your child is being bullied. Dr. Laura DeHaan, professor of child development at North Dakota State University observed that children display the following signs of being bullied:

• Acting moody, sullen or withdrawn
• Becoming depressed
• Losing appetite and having difficulty getting to sleep
• Arriving home with torn clothes or bruises
• Asking for extra money for school lunch or supplies
• Wanting to carry some form of protection
• Losing interest in schoolwork
• Waiting to use the bathroom at home
• Not wanting to go to school; developing real or imaginary physical symptoms to avoid attending

The Florida Department of Education offers parents some excellent bully prevention resources: http://www.fldoe.org/safe-schools/bullying-prevention.stml