Community Corner
'Ask Debbie Sue' Dating Advice
'Ask Debbie Sue' Dating Advice with Author & Comedian Debbie Sue Goodman
I hope everyone is keeping warm in this horrible arctic weather. I can't wait until spring time. I had quite a few letters and questions from my readers about what to do when dating someone that doesn't have much to say. What can you do when you're out with someone that isn't a conversationalist?
If it's a first meeting- Perhaps they are nervous or shy?
You can continue on with the date and see if he or she 'opens up' and talks a bit more or you can end the date.
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This reminds me of a guy I went out with when I was in my early twenties. I met him through a co-worker. He didn't say much. Invited me out to dinner. I met him at the restaurant. This was a man of a 'few words.' We met inside and we were seated in five minutes. We looked over the menus and ordered. He said, 'This menu has a lot of FINE food.' The waitress brought our meal. While eating he said, 'You dressed very FINE.' I told him he dressed nice too. We didn't have a lot in common and didn't have any of the same interests. He didn't enjoy working out or going to the theater. He didn't enjoy dancing or the same type of music. I told him that I enjoy going to the health club and taking long walks. I asked if he enjoyed taking walks. He said, 'No, I'm FINE.' He said he used to go swimming & didn't enjoy it anymore. He said, 'The pasta is FINE. The bread is FINE.' He continued, 'Let's go out again next weekend. The weather will be FINE.' I didn't have a chance to answer. He continued, 'How bout' a movie tonight? It's a FINE night.' I finally got a sentence in. I said, 'I'd rather just go home.'
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Dear Debbie Sue: 'I'm dating a man for a month that doesn't have much to say. We met at work, he asked me out. He's quiet, handsome and I was attracted to him immediately. We hardly speak at work. Thought I'd give it a try. He's sweet. I wish he would talk more so I could get to know him better. On the date, I asked if he likes his job, he answered, 'It's ok.' I asked if he likes home cooked dinners. He responded, 'They're ok.' I asked if he likes soft-rock music, He said, 'It's ok.' I asked if he likes dancing. He said, 'sometimes ok.' He has nothing to say but he's kind. Should I continue to date him or look for a man I can have a conversation with?' Jen
Dear Jen: This guy is handsome, but can't hold a conversation? Ask him if he's nervous or shy and see what he says. If after dating him a month and he's still speaking in one or two word sentences, that might just be his true personality. You can't make someone be a conversationalist if they're not. Tell him how you feel. If he doesn't 'open up' more, then perhaps you should move on. You sound like an outgoing woman & you need someone you can communicate better with. There are plenty of men out there that will like to converse and get to know you. You'll be happier dating one of them.
In reply to my reader that would like to remain anonymous: If the man you're dating for a few months is telling you to dress a certain way, wear your hair a certain way & speak a certain way, then he is trying to change you. You say he's also telling you which friends you should go out with & what you should eat for breakfast, lunch & dinner? He's definitely trying to 'control' you & every move you make. This is not a healthy relationship. The reason you're questioning it & asking if you should continue to date him, is because you know in your heart, this is not the right man for you. Have respect for yourself. You should end the relationship. You'll find a man that will love you just the way you are & not try to 'change' you. Perhaps you can find an online singles group to join, or do activities you enjoy & the right man will come along. When more places open up, perhaps you can try a meet-up group or a singles dance.
Debbie Sue
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Send comments & questions to: debrasue-60076@msn.com
Visit Debbie Sue on her website at: www.stillsingle.org
Debbie Sue is a Comedian and an Author of the books, 'Still Single' 'Still Dating' & 'My Husband the Stranger.' Debbie Sue wrote a humorous screenplay titled, 'Dating Dilemmas.'
