'Ask Debbie Sue' Dating Advice

Happy Holidays! So far we've had a relatively warm start to winter. I still can't wait until springtime. I had quite a few letters & questions from my readers about what to do when dating someone for awhile that becomes 'uncooth.' Quite a few of my female readers have asked questions about how to tell their significant other how they feel. What can you do when you're out with someone that suddenly takes a straw & starts picking at their teeth? Or they take off their shoes & socks during dinner? Readers, if you've had similar experiences while dating someone, feel free to write in your responses. I've also had quite a few readers asking what to do when dating someone that doesn't have anything to say.

Dear Debbie Sue: 'Been dating a man for several weeks that doesn't have much to say. We met at work, he asked me out for a bite. He's quiet, handsome and attractive. I liked him immediately. We hardly talk at work. Thought I'd give it a try. He's kind. I wish he would talk more so I could get to know him better. On the date, I asked if he likes his job, he answered, 'It's alright.' I asked if he likes a home cooked meal. He responded, 'Yea.' I asked if he likes rock music, He said, 'Yea.' I asked if he likes to go dancing. He said, 'Occasionally.' I told him I enjoy volleyball, tennis & working out. He doesn't seem to be into anything that I like. He has nothing much to say but he is kind to me. Seems like he enjoys staying home every night. I like to go places. Should I continue to date him or look for a man I can have a conversation with?' Della

Dear Della: This guy is handsome, but can't hold a conversation? Ask him if he's nervous or shy and see what he says. If after dating him for several weeks & he's still speaking in one or two word sentences, that might just be his true personality. You can't make someone be a conversationalist if they're not. Tell him how you feel. If he doesn't 'open up' more, then perhaps you should move on. You sound like an outgoing woman & you need someone you can communicate with better. Someone that shares your interests. He sounds like a home body that doesn't enjoy going out every evening. There's nothing wrong with that. But, you're looking for a more 'active' guy. There are plenty of men out there that will like to converse and get to know you. They'll enjoy your active lifestyle. You'll be happier dating one of them. If he doesn't converse more on your next few dates & doesn't join you in the activities you enjoy, I would move on.

Dear Debbie Sue: 'I've been dating a guy for about a month, I met at a singles dance. He started out dressing in nice shirts & pants. He wore clean clothes & took care of his home & his car. Not sure what happened to him. He's really a great guy in other ways but he became very 'uncooth' in public. When we go out to dinner he picks at his teeth with a straw from the water glass. One restaurant was a bit warm. He took his shoes & socks off & ate dinner with his feet on the chair next to him. The waiter was upset. The people seated next to us were looking at him. I was ashamed to be with him. He doesn't wash up anymore before we go out. He doesn't comb his hair. He doesn't care about himself like he used to. His car has pizza cartons on the floor. Crumbs all over the floor in his home & car. Should I continue to date him? I liked him better when he took care of himself. Sign me: Dating Mr. Sloppy'

Dear Dating Mr. Sloppy: It sounds like when you first started dating this guy he took care of his appearance & wanted to look good for you. Now, he's more 'comfortable' & letting himself go. Perhaps he's not happy with something in his life? I would ask him why he changed. Ask him why he doesn't take care about his appearance, car & home anymore. If he tells you there's nothing wrong then you'll need to decide if you want to continue dating him. Perhaps he's just 'being himself' now & he's more comfortable with you & just doing his own thing on the dates. It was very uncouth of him to clean his teeth & take shoes & socks off during a meal. I would ask him to please stop that behavior in front of you. Tell him you're very uncomfortable when he does those things. If he doesn't change his behavior after a few more dates, I would definitely move on. You'll always feel ashamed to be out in public with him.

Good luck to all my readers that are having similar issues on their dates. Join a singles group or do activities you enjoy & the right man or woman will come along.

Until next time.. 'Keep Smiling... Happy Holidays & Happy New Year!

Debbie Sue

Send questions & comments to: debrasue-60076@msn.com