Helping North Shore Teens Cope With Coronavirus Anxiety

DANVERS, MA — As many — if not most — teens struggle with the isolation and anxiety involved with extended quarantines, remote learning and the loss of support systems that come with sports and clubs amid the coronavirus health crisis, Cindy Veatch recommends going back in time.

Not just back to a year ago when stresses were already high among parents and teens even before the effects of the pandemic. But back to a much earlier time when the child and family therapist said the answer to isolation didn't come from a smart phone or an iPad, but when it came from a board game, a puzzle or running around in the park with other people.

"Go back to the 1950s," the licensed clinical social worker told Patch. "Let's go outside. Let's go for walks with our friends. Talk to your friends. You can still kick soccer ball around (and maintain social distancing with masks)."

Veatch, who will help host a North Shore Medical Center remote roundtable discussion called "Raising Resilient and Healthy Teens During COVID-19 and a time of increased screen time" from noon to 1:30 p.m. on Jan. 21, said while safety precautions involved with the virus are important, maintaining a sense of social structure without the overuse of social media is critical for young people.

"With adolescents developmentally there is more emphasis on their peer relationships," Veatch said. "Not having those peer relationships makes them feel like a ship without a rudder. So then they turn to social media, which amplify those feelings."

While the digital world is often credited with keeping a sense of connection when people have to be apart during the pandemic, Veatch said it can be detrimental for teens who believe they are not sharing in the lives as they are portrayed by others online.

"A lot of kids on social media only post how wonderful they're doing," Veatch said. "That can make kids think they are alone in their feelings. Similarly, a depressed or lonely teenager can also seek out a community that involves less-than-ideal groups."

The keys to healthy relationships involve getting outside — even in the winter cold —to have those social interactions and a dose of sunshine, maintaining a routine, keep getting physical activity that Veatch said is important to alleviating anxiety, eating well and unplugging early enough to get a good night's sleep.

"Always try to be off the screen one hour before bedtime," she advised. "That promotes the brain's natural melatonin. Looking at the screen tells the brain it's still daytime. And that includes looking at the phone."

For adolescents who are just getting their first phones, Veatch recommends available versions that allow smart phone features such as text messages, downloadable podcasts and the music that so many young people use as a coping mechanism, but do not support social media applications.

"We are suggesting they actually talk with their friends," she said. "We want them to talk because that's more emotionally healing than typing, which is easily misconstrued and misunderstood."

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Streaming services are introducing "watch party" features that allow groups of friends to remotely watch a movie together, while Veatch said something as simple as a family dinner or game night can help the bond with an otherwise moody and detached teenager.

"That may seem like such an unusual thing to do," she allowed. "But we say to try to do something like that once a weekend. They may find once they do it, they want to be more involved.

"Anything that's not related to a screen."

Veatch said one thing she does not advise is pretending that everything in the world is fine when children and young adults realize it is so clearly not.

"Each of the things they are missing out on can be considered a loss," she said. "For someone to lose a year between age 40 and 41 is one thing. To lose a year between 8 and 9 is a much bigger percentage of their lives.

"Talk to them about 'why COVID sucks.' Divide the refrigerator in two and put up notes on one half about why it sucks and do it together. Then they realize it doesn't just suck for them, it sucks for everyone, when you share it.

"Then maybe on the other side of the refrigerator put up notes about the stuff you are all still grateful for. The key is to make sure you communicate."

Go here for more information or to register on the upcoming roundtable, which is free and open to non-patients of North Shore Medical Center as well as patients.

(Scott Souza is a Patch field editor covering Beverly, Danvers, Marblehead, Peabody, Salem and Swampscott. He can be reached at Scott.Souza@Patch.com. Twitter: @Scott_Souza.)