My Kids Don't Need Therapy, They're Not Crazy!

One of the biggest mistakes I made in the weeks and months after my ex and I split up was not recognizing the need for my young sons to participate in psychological therapy.
I was 29 at the time of the split and I was completely oblivious.
I suspect I was also more concerned about the "stigma" of having my kids in therapy than I was about making sure they were going to be ok. I was so sure that if I just loved them enough and spent enough time with them, everything would be fine.
But along the way, I was missing the signs that the constant fighting, tension in the home and the subsequent split up and divorce were having a profound impact on my boys.
It is, without question, my deepest regret as a dad.
I look back and the signs were so clear, especially with my youngest son. At two years old, while his mother and I argued loudly, he began pulling hair out of his head in clumps.
A little later, he stopped having bowel movements for days at a time. This led to a hospital stay and a surgical procedure to rule out cancer.
During his elementary school years, he developed an over active gag reflex that caused him to choke on even the softest of food while eating. That also manifested in fits of vomiting when talking about disturbing topics like bad dreams, scary movies, etc.
In his teen years, the symptoms of anxiety and depression began to become more obvious and "typical." And at this time, his mother and I got him into therapy.
But I believe much of the pain he experienced as a teenager could have been avoided had his issues been addressed earlier.
I love my sons very much and it grieves me deeply that I failed them in this area.
My children aren't crazy -- they've been wounded.
The takeaways are this:

• If you can at all possibly avoid it, please don't engage in nasty verbal battles with your spouse or ex-spouse in front of your children. Children are sponges. You truly have no idea how much they are absorbing and how it is impacting them.
• Pay attention to the signs. Out-of-the-ordinary behavior can be a symptom of psychological trauma or even, in some cases abuse. Don't ignore these signs or hope they just go away. Treat them like you would a medical problem -- immediately.
• Therapy is not a sign that your child is crazy or that you are incompetent as a parent. It means your child needs help in order to heal.
• Don't be afraid to apologize to your children for any of your actions that may have caused them harm. Own your mistakes and teach your children it is not a sign of weakness to say you are sorry.