All I Want For Christmas…

During these last few hours before Christmas Day, I can’t help but submit my own last-minute wish list to Santa — even when I know he won’t deliver. It’s just too impossible for St. Nick to give me — and the rest of America — what we really want. But still, I’m going to try. Here goes. Here’s my Wish List for 2017. (There’s a long intro coming up, but I had to make sure the big fat man in the old red suit knows why I want the impossible.)

These days if someone — anyone — makes an accusation against an elected or appointed official about any kind of sexual impropriety, the accused has to resign. Period. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Get accused nowadays and you’re screwed. Case closed, even if there’s been no trial or any expectation of a trial. Hello, fascism.

But what about the officials who are systematically undermining — no, destroying — our democracy?

What about all the supporters and enablers on Capitol Hill who have helped demagogue Donald Trump get elected President? What about all the appointees and elected officials who keep making excuses for him? And what about all the lackeys who do whatever it takes to keep him in The White House?

Well, they’re not collecting unemployment, that’s for sure. They still have jobs. With the exception of some members of Trump’s inner circle who got axed, they’re still working. They’re still making a good living. They’re not only getting well-paid, they’re getting OVERPAID.

This means you, Kellyanne Conway. But you’re not alone.

The 2017 POTUS #45 was(and still is) surrounded by a protective bubble of Americans who should have known better. These pseudo-patriots with decidedly UN-democratic aspirations not only helped and enabled Trump to dismantle our government, they started dismantling, too. And there’s no end in sight, either.

You know what I mean. It’s all about destroying — not helping — the Middle Class. They’re messing with the tax laws, trying to abolish the Affordable Care Act, not to mention eradicating Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, even VA benefits, and EPA protections. I alone can’t stop them. I alone can’t fire them. But there’s got to be some way Santa and the magic of Christmas can get these iconoclasts to resign.

That’s what I really want for Christmas: Widespread resignations from Trump’s helpers and enablers.

Oh, is that too much to ask?

Okay, Santa, I’ll pare it down. I just want 4 — only 4 — enablers to radically change their behaviors, that’s all. No firings, no resignations. Sure, there are a lot more lackeys around Trump who need major personality overhauls. But for now, I’ve just selected 4 to be transformed by holiday magic. Change them now!

House Speaker Paul Ryan, you sniveling little turd. Stop justifying your attacks on our country’s social service with Catholicism. Your plans to destroy Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid aren’t Catholic. They’re not even Christian. So stop quoting St. Thomas Aquinas, already. Stop implicating Jesus as you try to send America back to the Great Depression, when people died in the streets and had to eat Hoover hogs (A.K.A., RATS).

U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley, you embarrassing sycophant.
First you make veiled threats to all the ambassadors of countries who won’t support Trump’s plan to move the capital of Israel to Jerusalem. Then you actually give countries that oppose Trump’s plan this warning: If you oppose us now, we won’t give you aid next time you call on America for help.

Wake up and smell the coffee, Buttercup. America won’t be able to give any aid to any country anymore, thanks to that new GOP tax bill that will devastate our economy. If your boss has his way, there won’t even be any aid for anyone in America anymore — except for him and his rich buddies.

Vice President Mike Pence, you unapologetic toady. Stop kissing The Donald’s ring. Stop kissing The Donald’s butt. Stop saying that he is the greatest president (gasp!) who ever lived.

There are sycophants, then there are pathetic bootlickers. Dude, wipe off your tongue before it’s too late.

Then for number 4…Who’s that woman who gets so ornery and snarly at those White House press conferences? The one who looks like the quintessential mean girl who’d knock you down on the playground and steal your lunch money…Oh, right — White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, you lying liar and BS enforcer. Look, I don’t have anything against you, but you sure seem to have a problem with the freedoms guaranteed in our Constitution. So take a chill pill. Try being a little more helpful and professional for a change. Stop being so bitchy to people who are just trying to figure out what the hell your boss is trying to do and why.

So there it is: my 2017 wish list, greatly reduced from resignations across the board to 4 magical transformations that are humanly impossible. Still, I had to ask. I had to keep wishing and hoping. My list may not have been too nice — not as bubbling over with the Christmas spirit as Dickens would have liked. But when I keep seeing how much these fascists are eroding our democracy, I don’t want to acquiesce. I want to pelt them nonstop with sugar plums. And submerge them in vats of figgy pudding.