Dumb + Dumber = Q

What — or who — is Q?

Q goes beyond vast right-wing conspiracy territory into the scarier realm of bizarre urban myth meets MAD Magazine. I use the word “scarier” because, as unbelievable as this conspiracy theory/underground legend is, way too many people actually believe that it’s real. And a lot of these true believers are also die-hard supporters of Trump, FOX NOOZ, and whatever the GOP Think Tank wants them to support.

Ordinarily I’d say Q has to be one of the weirdest things I’ve ever heard — or read. But we no longer live in ordinary times, dear readers. America is now trapped in the early stages of fascism that Trumplandia portends. Like weary Mouseketeers we’ve realized that every day Trump reigns is another “anything-can-happen-day.” So we soldier on, hoping his hourly surprises don’t get too catastrophic. But they do, they often do.

While it might seem that Q originated online from a mysterious source, it’s really the offshoot of Trumpropaganda and the GOP’s unethical encouragement. Confused? Welcome to the New American Normal. Let me break it down more so we can all better understand what Q really is — and why it got started.

Once upon a time Republicans wanted nothing to do with The Fringe Nutzies. Neither did anyone else. They were so far “out there” they had their own solar system. Revolutionaries who stockpiled guns for the upcoming alien invasion; tinfoiled extremists who believed Uncle Sam was trying to suck their brains for social security numbers; survivalists psyching themselves up for the Rapture — all these wacky Americans marching to the beat of their own rhythm section always made the GOP’s DO NOT INVITE list. Not only were they NOT taken seriously, they were also banned from any and every Republican function.

Then one day GOP huckster-strategists (like Roger Ailes and Karl Rove) had their big AHA! moment: THESE CRAZIES CAN VOTE!

Suddenly the GOP game plan went from GET OUT AND STAY OUT! to Hello, fellow Republicans.

Come on over, you tired, you poor, you crazy-ass huddled masses yearning for respect — and a kind political ear. Welcome to our party — the Republican Party, that is. Vote Republican, and you’ll always have a place at our table.

So more and more of these Fringe Nutzies — not to mention radicals from the reactionary wings of the John Birch Society, American Nazi Party, KKK, and others — began voting Republicans into public office. Great! Mission accomplished. More and more Republicans started getting elected and coming into power.

But guess who keeps coming to the table now?

Guess who keeps showing up for dinner? And lunch? And late-night snacks?

The Fringe Nutzies have arrived, and they’re not leaving the big Republican buffet anytime soon. They came, they voted, now they want their share of the power pie. They want a place at the table for Q, too.

Surprisingly enough, the GOP Braintrust never saw it coming. When they started inviting these crazies to the table, they just figured they’d only show up for the special occasions. Like Election Day. And maybe Christmas or Thanksgiving, once in a while. That was it. The big plan was to bring them out once in a while, the way you’d bring out that weird old uncle for family reunions, just so he could perform “Stars and Stripes Forever” with his own farts. Then everybody could applaud and have a good laugh and go home…But that didn’t happen.

These New — yet loopy — Republicans are here to stay, and they have their own agenda, too. Now they want the GOP echelons to start doing something about the Q — like taking it more seriously. Like saving the children and arresting the pedophile ring started by Obama and Clinton.

The big problem here is that Q — both shadowy figure and conspiracy — doesn’t exist. It’s not real. It’s phony fabricated folklore. It’s nothing but lies, lies, lies.

Q is nothing more than B.S. perpetrated by that fascist demagogue in the White House and his crew and his loyal GOP Think Tank. Because these Fringe Nutzies are so gullible to Trumpropaganda, however, they actually believe in the Q and all the fantastic mythology that accompanies it. Wander further into this contrived wonderland and you’ll also find Trump cast as All-American Hero in his own self-serving epic poem.

What? Trump himself engaging in shameless self-promotion? Of course.

In this parallel universe that is the Q narrative, Trump is the perennial good guy. Everyone else who opposes or criticizes him is bad, very bad. The list of bad guys includes Crooked Hillary, her husband Bill, her former campaign chairman John Podesta, as well as other leaders and celebrities. Amazingly enough, all Democrats, liberals, and others who don’t like Trump are also bad, very bad.

Wait a minute. Exactly why are these bad guys so bad? The allegations from Q are endless. Not only are they plotting with Russian Strongman Vladimir Putin, they’re also operating a secret, far-reaching pedophile/child slavery ring. (!!??!) Tom Hanks, beware! President Trump has your number. You and other pedophiles will soon be rotting in jail with the other perves after the big round-up called “The Storm” takes place.

That’s why the U.S. military wanted Trump to be President in the first place: he was the only one who could finally end this evil cabal. He was the only one who could save the children from becoming sex slaves. Did you really think Robert Mueller was appointed to investigate Russian interference in the 2016 Presidential Election? Come on. Did you really believe Mueller has been investigating Trump’s possible Russian collusion? Oh, you fools!

Oh, you simple, clueless non-believers! Don’t you get it?

Trump is our Savior. Mueller was appointed by Trump himself to investigate Obama, Crooked Hillary, and the other villainous Democrats, world leaders, and celebrities who are abusing innocent children! Trump is the only one who can put these corrupt liberals behind bars!…

Well, that’s what Q has been posting online, anyway.

That’s what Trump’s legion of die-hard followers believes, anyway. Q might be stupid, senseless, silly tripe, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that these Fringe Nutzies believe it. And now, they want to act on Q’s revelations.

Remember, Q isn’t just a conspiracy surrounded by urban myths, Q is also a nameless loner who started sharing secret information last year.

Never mind that once Q began sharing secret information, the information was no longer secret. Back in October, 2017, “the shadowy figure known only as Q” began posting info on Internet message boards. That’s the important thing to remember. Q claims to have evidence that could prove these allegations, along with the highest security clearance around. Q seems to know all the signs, secrets, and cover-ups that had gone unnoticed for years — that is, until Trump became President. Now Trump can save us all.

Then again, now that Trump’s in power, esoteric theories that might have been known only to the Fringe Nutzies are coming to light…AND NO ONE IS BETTER FOR IT, NO ONE.

You know, I’m all for freedom of speech. As a writer, I’m a huge supporter of this freedom that has often been taken for granted. I also understand why Republicans would rather win than lose elections. I also understand why Trump supporters want to actively engage in a collective movement along with other members of their tribe. I get it.

What I don’t get is why you would all want to make up such a stupid story, then go along with it like mindless lemmings going over the cliff. Your acquiescence is killing our democracy. Take a stand: stop this Q nonsense. Stop it now.

Stop being so stupid, and stop being so proud of your own stupidity.