It’s The Rats, Stupid!

Submitted, for your consideration, a highly improbable yet oddly plausible explanation for the major Midtown Black-out that occurred last Saturday in The City That Never Sleeps. In a word: RATS.

I say the power failure didn’t result from faulty wiring, eerie coincidence, or Russian Trolls. No, I beg to differ. It’s none of the above — in the opinion of this survivor on our troubled earth plane.

I blame the rats.

Not only are these creatures adaptable, ingenuous, and surprisingly intelligent, they also like to mess with human beings. As the biggest threat to their very existence, we humans are their worst nightmare. And worst enemy. So why wouldn’t rats try to mess with our power grids?

Why wouldn’t they bite and chew and gnaw through connective wiring that provides us energy? (All the better to bite you in the dark, my dears.) Why wouldn’t they want to do whatever they could to destroy the air conditioning that keeps us cool and manageable in the hot summer months? It should come as no surprise that these furry low-lifes are out to get us…Or, at least wreak havoc in our man-made environment we call the big city.

The scariest part here isn’t the collective destruction of the rats, though. It’s the deliberate oversight of the Powers-That-Be. This means you, Mr. Mayor, and the rest of The Big Apple’s complacent City Fathers. Remember how upset all the visitors and culture lovers were when the Black-out caused Broadway to shut down? Imagine how panicked everyone would have gotten if they’d heard giant rats were behind the outage.

Reminds me of the greedy, self-serving City Fathers in Jaws who didn’t want to issue warnings about the hungry Great White Shark lurking around the shore because it would have ruined the town’s tourism industry.

But then, that was only a movie.

Now that we’re in the scary venue called real life, we all need to know the truth. Was it rats? Or, was it something more sinister? It’s time to let New Yorkers, along with the rest of America, know what’s going on.

My theory could be wrong, but stranger things have happened…Maybe now the Powers-That-Be will be forced to admit the Big Apple is in the throes of a serious rodent problem. And maybe now, they will actually do something about it.