WWJD? Not What Trump Wants

Vice President Mike Pence isn’t the only one God speaks to in prayer.

After mass shootings erupted over the weekend in El Paso, Texas, and Dayton, Ohio, I, too, prayed to God and lo! Pence and Trump and I pray to the same God about gun violence, yet we all receive such different answers!

“Why, Lord, why?” I cried out. “Why must this carnage continue? Why can’t we all just get along? Why?”

God The Father sighed. “Why so many why questions?” He asked.

“I don’t know” I replied. “That’s why I asked you, Lord”

“Oh, sorry. Rhetorical question…”

Then Jesus — Son of God — spoke up. “Why don’t you guys just ban these assault weapons?” He asked.

I remained silent.

“Well?” He continued.

“Is this yet another rhetorical question, Jesus?”

“No. I want an answer.”

In despair, I said nothing. This angered Jesus.

“Come on, thou curious blogger! Stop praying to me about stuff you can straighten out yourself — I mean thyself. I’m not asking thee to develop a nitro brew that doesn’t leave a bitter aftertaste,” He huffed. “This is an easy problem to solve.”

“Not really,” I replied. “ Here’s what keeps happening. Every time Congress starts moving in the direction of banning assault weapons Republicans who have been bought and paid by the NRA kill it — uh, no pun intended.”

“But could they not at least pass some kind of legislation to make it more difficult to get these guns?”

A dull sinking feeling swept over me. “They could but they won’t,” I shrugged. “Even if they wanted to, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell could refuse to let the bill go to the floor for a vote. Even if the majority did vote for this ban, the new super majority rule would prohibit it from passing”

“Yea, but Congress is in recess now,” Jesus replied. “Summer break.”

“True, but because of Mitch McConnell’s accident there probably won’t be any emergency session this month.”

“There are no accidents in the Universe,” Jesus said.

“Maybe not,” I agreed. “But there sure are a lot of delays with legislation because too many people love guns — and the money that comes from the sale of them.”

“Of course,” Jesus replied. “In Trump World, it is often said that guns don’t kill people, people kill other people. It is never the gun’s fault, only the owner of the trigger finger — who is probably a fat guy who also sits on the edge of the bed and plays video games and eats Cheetos.”

“You must have heard Trump’s speech then. He’s still dragging that old chestnut out of the fire, claiming the finger of evil and madness always pulls the trigger.”

“Yea, I hear all, know all, then blow off dumb stuff like that,” Jesus laughed. “And I say onto you if there had been assault weapons at Golgotha, the crucifix would not have become a symbol for Christianity because there would have been nothing left of me for the Romans to crucify.”

“Oh, Jesus!” I lamented. “ It’s so hard to deal with all this gunlove. President Obama once signed an executive order to keep mentally ill people from buying and owning guns. But the food from Trump’s Inaugural luncheon hadn’t even digested when he rescinded that order.”

Jesus said nothing.

“Trump and his NRA buddies always focus on the mental illness or hatred of the shooters, not on how easy it is to buy such deadly weapons,” I observed. “The real irony here is that they want to eliminate healthcare coverage for the mentally ill AND continue their hateful racist rhetoric.”

More silence, but I could sense my Lord and Savior was still listening.

“Then in Wisconsin, the State Legislature actually passed a law that would legally allow blind people to go deer hunting.”

Then Jesus gasped.

“Wow, that IS extreme,” He said. “Truly, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is to get any lasting gun legislation with teeth.”

“Amen to that,” I agreed.

“And yet, on earth, God’s work must truly be thy own,” He reminded me.

Then God The Father spoke:

“My children, I am always ready to listen and help out. Yet sometimes those among you who feel the most helpless get stuck with most of the heavy lifting. Do not be discouraged. Gunlove is real, but it is not real love. So go out and fight The Man who makes these assault weapons and profits mightily from their continued carnage. Then call the IRS.”

“Do you not know how lucrative such gun sales really are? Get the income tax returns from the gun manufacturers and go forth.”

“And,” Jesus continued,” Be sure to find out how much money the NRA donated to thy legislators who are so anti-gun regulation. Then if none of thy legislators will help The People do these things, then vote the scumbags out of office!”

Amen to that.