5 Tips For Dating in Your 40s & 50s

5 Tips For Dating in Your 40s & 50s

Dating in your 40s and 50s is a little bit different than when you were in your twenties. The giddy excitement and nervous anticipation can still exist, but we’re wiser now. Most of us didn’t know our elbow from our ass when we were young. We didn’t quite know who we were as a person. Our ideas and expectations of other people were limited at best.
Because of this, dating in our middle years can be better in many ways. We are smarter, we now know who we are and also what we expect out of life and the people around us. This makes it much easier to get through the nonsense and weed out incompatible partners. We have already done our A & B testing, so to speak.
Preparing To Reenter The Dating World
So, maybe life threw a curveball or two and we find ourselves considering getting back into the game. But we get stuck thinking there is no one out there to date or that those available must just be the leftovers. So you balk at actually reentering the dating world, stuck in the ‘what if?’ phase. This type of thinking is common, but amazingly far from the reality of things. Life throws tons of curveballs to thousands and thousands of individuals; there are plenty of people just like you out there!
The TODAY Show did a dating survey in 2014 with people of this age group:

• 40% said they thought “no one was out there”.
• 30% said they “didn’t even know where to begin”.
• 30% thought back to the awkward dates in their youth and said “it might be too stressful”.

Well. There are plenty of people out there, THIS is where you begin, and sure, there may be some nerves, but you are much better equipped now.
The Survey also showed:

• 60% said, “They make better decisions about compatibility compared to when they were younger”.
• 42% said, “They have better quality dates”.
• 52% said, “The absence of the ticking ‘biological clock’ is an allure”.
• 25% said, “They use dating sites to find potential partners”.

So now that we have established that there are people out there to date, that you are already at a good place start, and that your prior experience can lead to a more fulfilling dating experience, here are a few tips to help you along the way.

1. Accept Your Date’s Presentation of Who They Are as The Truth

Sure, there will be some peacocking. We all want to put that impressive first foot forward, but as I mentioned earlier, we know who we are as a person at this point in our lives and we are not likely to change easily. This goes the same for your dates. Accept that this is who they are and that unlike younger people, no amount of loving molding of their personal clay is likely to change them. This recognition will help you quickly decipher those who you are truly compatible with.
Also, understand that people can grow on you and that the first date is just a glimpse into who they are. It takes about 3 dates to get a better idea and about a year to really know someone.

1. Manage The Conversation

We should be a little better at identifying conversation topics that will do more harm than good than when we were younger. Trying to bond with negative things like divorce or bad relationship experiences might seem like a good idea … it’s not. At least not when you are just getting to know someone. Also, steer clear of talking about dating in general and the means in which you’re meeting people to date – online, dating service, friends, etc..
Instead, use your conversational skills to redirect the conversation away from uncomfortable or negative topics. Both of you are interesting and complex people. You should have plenty of life experience and various topics of interest to draw from.
Need some help with dating conversation? How to Become an Artful Conversationalist ~

1. Accept That There Will Be A Certain Amount Of Baggage

We are not kids anymore. Most of us have been through many experiences in life, so there will usually be some sort of baggage. This isn’t a bad thing, it is just a fact of life. There will likely be children or an ex-wife or ex-husband, etc.
It is a good idea to consider what is acceptable and unacceptable to you. Some excess baggage shouldn’t be a deal breaker if you like the person and going on new dates with this in mind will help.

1. Ditch Your List of Perfection

This by no means signifies that you should settle, but you should be realistic. Nobody is perfect. Sometimes it is hard to let go of that ‘perfect person list’, we have been conditioned to. Hollywood has done a great job in getting us to believe there’s such a thing. But this is something we already learned doesn’t exist, right? So realize this and instead look for the person who has similar values you’re your personalities are complementary. They don’t have to match but just complement each other.

1. Be Mature

It might seem silly to state, but act your age. You already had your failed relationships; you’re looking for a mature relationship that works. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t flirt and have fun, but it should be approached in a slightly more mature manner. Some of our dating habits may have come from when we dated often (when we were young and immature). Cut the crap and the mind games out of it and genuinely try to get to know your date. They will appreciate it and most likely reciprocate it, which can lead to a much more gratifying dating experience!
Also, remember that it is a different world today and there are a ton of people scheming and looking for opportunities to take advantage of others. Be careful and remember the old adage, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

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