Short Hills Therapist Pens Post-Parkland Book On School Violence

SHORT HILLS, NJ - Nancy Kislin is a Short Hills resident with a therapy practice in Chatham who specializes in working with children, adolescents and families so it is no surprise that the school shooting in Parkland, Florida last year would resonate with her. But what came out of that tragedy was a new book that takes on the subject of school shootings and the fallout in a new way.

In "Lockdown: Talking to Your Kids about School Violence," Kislin offers professional insight and critical therapeutic guidance to help parents, teachers, school administrators and social service professionals successfully nurture and heal children in this era of school shootings.

According to Kislin, she was unfamiliar with lockdown drills until after the Parkland shooting.

"Later that day, while sitting in my therapy office with a 13-year-old client, I learned that I did not know very much about lockdown drills," Kislin told Patch. "My daughter's did not grow up at time when this was the practice."

Kislin said that by the end of the week she had educated herself on the subject.

"After asking many kids, teens and parents about what they knew about the school shooting, how they were feeling, etc., I learned a lot about lockdown drills," she said. "I also learned that many parents had no idea what was really happening let alone what their child was feeling during these lockdown drills."

The decision to write the book was an easy one, Kislin said, despite the fact that she was in the middle of writing another book when the shooting occurred.

"I knew I needed to write this book. It was one of the easiest decision of my life - knowing I needed to write this book," she said. "It is such an critical topic that no one seems to be talking about. We are traumatizing a generation of children. Children need to feel safe to thrive."

According to Kislin, the target audience for her book is vast.

"Parents of children from preschool - college. Grandparents, caregivers. I also want teachers, administrator to read this book. I also want pediatricians and mental health professionals to read," she said. "My hope is that I will be able to encourage colleges to incorporate some of my strategies into the courses for student teachers. We need to prepare our teachers for how to help children cope in many different situations. I also want clergy to read this book."

Kislin said she started writing the book at the end of February in 2018 and finished writing it in the fall. While writing the book she was able to meet with an old friend in Parkland whose daughter attended Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School.

"She surprised me by inviting several of her daughter's friends to the house for me to interview. I will forever be grateful to have met these incredible survivors and hear their stories," Kislin said. "I share their stories in the beginning of the book - as a hope to wake parents up to the reality of what is really going on. Many stories haunt me still - a mother from Parkland who told me her 12-year-old daughter watched a video in real time of a student at the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School bleed to death while she was in her middle school a few miles away."

History Of Helping

Kislin has a masters in Social Work, and is a licensed clinical social worker and a certified marriage and family therapist with a private practice in Chatham for the last 14 years. She grew up in North Brunswick and attended The American University, received a masters from Yeshiva University and a post masters at the Springfield Institute for Family Therapy. She and her husband of 30 years raised their two daughters in Millburn and then Short Hills.

Despite being a natural fit for the subject matter, Kislin said writing did not come easy to her.

"I am dyslexic. I only discovered there was a name for my challenges at the age of 38 - when my daughter was diagnosed. My dyslexia or as we call it in our home, learning challenge, has been a blessing of sorts. I have spent years researching dyslexia and ADD," she said. "I have been able to help identify many, many children and adults with learning issues. I always say that knowledge is power - when a parent can understand their child - so many arguments cease."

Kislin said she gravitated towards social work naturally, tagging along with her mother as she helped visit homebound seniors, visit the elderly in the nearby nursing home and helping anyone who needed some assistance. Kislin said her father, an accountant, was the person everyone in our family, friends and clients called when they needed help.

"I started working by the time I was 12 babysitting, local pharmacy, clothing stores," she said. "I found I was the happiest when I was working with children."

Find Her Voice

During college Kislin was deeply involved in social justice initiatives.

"I had found my passion, helping people," she said.

Kislin said she opened her practice shortly after the death of her father and she counts herself lucky to have worked with "incredible" children and teens.

"Anxiety, depression and self-harming behaviors plague most of my clients. I strive to help them develop a healthy 'tool kit' full of coping strategies as they learn to become more resilient and hopefully - happy," she said.

That is not to say it has been all good, Kislin said that many times parents have unrealistic expectations for their children or for the process of therapy.

"I remember a dad getting angry with me after I had seen his daughter for only three visits. He yelled at me for not 'fixing' his entitled daughter - I remember saying - you had 16 years and I only had three visits," Kislin said.

But despite the difficulty, Kislin said she loves building those connections, even with the most resistant clients.

"I have an ability to connect with my client, creating a safe place for them to trust themself and me, as they open up old wounds, expose their fears and learn to build a healthier sense of self," she said.

While Kislin loves working with her clients in her practice, she said she has a love/hate relationship with her writing.

"I love to write, but am extremely critical about my work. Due to my disability, my sentence structure and grammar are not always perfect," she said. "I believe I have much to teach parents and educators. I will not let my struggle stop me from writing. This has been my mantra for the last year."

Kislin said she will be having a book party at the book house in Millburn on March 3 and another event at the Jewish Community Center in Bridgewater April 9.

"I have a few things happening in the last week of March in the Parkland, Florida area," she said.

For more information on Kislin, visit her website.

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