'He Always Put Family First:' Toms River Man Remembered

TOMS RIVER, NJ — A week ago, Rich Bococinski was trading playful jabs with friends on Facebook about his favorite football team, the New Orleans Saints. He also was quietly finishing up the details of the surprise party for his wife's 40th birthday.

"He was all about his family," said Michael Bococinski, Rich's older brother. "Family was everything to him."

That family — wife Diana and son Christian, his mother, Helen, and brother Mike and his family — and Rich's extended "family" of friends, co-workers and so many other people he encountered in life is now left trying to come to grips with the loss of a man whose kindness and selflessness left footprints everywhere he went.

Rich Bococinski, 37, died Tuesday evening when he was hit by a car on Fischer Boulevard in Toms River, in front of his home on the corner of Fischer Boulevard and Fairview Drive, across from St. Justin the Martyr Roman Catholic Church.

As was a habit, Rich was picking up some litter in the street in front of their home, Mike said, something he did often. Rich did it to make sure the debris didn't wind up on the lawn of the church, Mike said, and to make sure it didn't cause someone to have an accident.

"It's just who he was," Mike said, something borne out by the outpouring of condolences and memories shared to Rich's Facebook page in the four days since.

"You were one of the best," wrote Joseph Schaefer, one of the pals who'd been bantering with him about the Saints and the fantasy football league they were in.

"He was one of the most thoughtful kind people I ever knew," wrote Tim Calleja, a more recent friend.

Others shared memories of days spent on the soccer fields together. Soccer dominated their lives when they were youngsters, Mike said.

"We didn't sit home and watch football; our Sundays were spent on the soccer fields, at my games, at his games, sometimes reffing," Mike said. Rich's love of the NFL and other sports didn't develop until much later. It resulted in an ecclectic mix of teams he rooted for: the Saints, the Cleveland Indians, and the Golden State Warriors.

"He rooted for (all three) when they were still really bad," Mike said. "He wasn't a bandwagon fan. He started rooting for them because they had players he liked." The recent success of all three teams was a bonus, and added spice to the brothers' debates over their teams' superiority. "I'm a Cowboys fan and a Yankees fan," Mike said, with a laugh at the memory of the 2017 season, where the Yankees and Indians wound up battling in the American League Division Series.

As siblings so frequently do, the two tussled over who was the best. When they were younger, "I had an advantage because I was older and bigger," said Mike, who is six years older. The debate and the challenges covered everything from Madden football video games to who was the better soccer player. "I never admitted it to him, but he was the better goalkeeper. He was phenomenal."

"I always thought I had to teach him things growing up," Mike said, "but he taught me things," with his love of his family and his selflessness at the top of the list.

When their father Hank died in 1993, Mike said, at the funeral Helen was presented with a folded American flag to honor Hank's service in the U.S. Army. The tradition is for the widow to give the flag to the oldest son, and then for it to be passed to the younger ones. "After I gave Richie the flag, he got up and gave it to my mom," Mike said. "What 12-year-old thinks like that?"

"He was always putting family first," Mike said.

"After our dad died, he and my mom were very close," Mike said. Rich had the opportunity to attend Hawaii Pacific University after he graduated from Brick High School, but turned it down because he wanted to be near Helen in case she needed him, Mike said.

In addition to Helen, Diana and Christian were his world. "I would call him to see if he wanted to hang out, and he'd say, 'Nah, I'm going to hang out with Diana.' Diana and Christian were his best friends."

But when Mike got married a few years ago, Rich made sure he was by his brother's side.

"We (Mike and his wife, Kathryn) had decided to fly to Vegas" after wedding plans became complicated, Mike said. Christian had just been born, "but he separated himself to be there for me. We had a phenomenal couple of days" and then Rich flew back to be with Diana.

Rich and Diana grew up in the same neighborhood — "she lived on Lanes Mill and we lived on Sally Ike," Mike said — but got to know each other when Rich was spending time with Helen at Jersey Farms. The couple dated for a few years before marrying seven years ago. Mike said he knew as soon as he met Diana for the first time that his brother had found the woman he would marry.

"You just saw an amazing bond between them," Mike said of that Fourth of July meeting at OceanFest in Long Branch. "He was glowing."

"She completed him. She made him a better man," Mike said.

The example Rich set wasn't lost on Christian, either: the youngster asked his parents in 2016 if he could do a lemonade stand to raise money to help sick kids (you can read about that here) and it was so successful that the family repeated the effort this year.

"We were both taken aback and asked him to repeat it just to make sure we heard him right," Rich said in an interview with Patch about the effort.

"My brother was so proud that he had instilled that in his son," Mike said, and the family intends to continue the lemonade stand fundraiser in Rich's memory. "It's a clear reminder to me of who he is and what he tried to teach his son."

"He always found time time to help out anyone," Mike said. "It's just who he was."

On Tuesday, Rich had left work early to come home and spend the evening with Diana and Christian for Diana's birthday. He loved his job working in information technology at Pathology Solutions, serving several of the company's facilities. The company has been a huge help to the family in the days since Rich's death, Mike said.

And the outpouring of support and memories and condolences has been a huge help, too.

"You were a awesome person and had a heart of gold," wrote friend Nick Lobue. "Always there if I needed to talk. Right there at the hospital when my dad passed. You truly were one of a kind."

"You were an absolute perfect husband and father," Angel Lynn Cassidy wrote. "I have never seen quite a love like yours and Diana's and I don’t think I ever will. A day will never go by when you are not loved and missed."

"I sometimes lose sight on the small things that are important. He never did," Mike said. "I'm a big believer that in life we leave footprints, and the size of the footprint is a reflection of who they are."

"Rich left a pretty big footprint," Mike said.

Visitation for Rich will be held from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. Sunday, Dec. 17 at Weatherhead Young Funeral Home, 885 Mantoloking Road, Brick. The funeral service will begin at 11 a.m. Monday, Dec. 18, at Weatherhead Young Funeral Home. The full obituary is below.

A GoFundme account has been set up by close friends to help pay for Rich's funeral and put away money for Christian's education. You can contribute by clicking here.

His obituary, from the Weatherhead-Young Funeral Home website:

Richard A. Bococinski, age 37, of Toms River, passed away on Tuesday, December 12, 2017 at Jersey Shore University Medical Center, Neptune. Born in Neptune, he lived in Brick prior to moving to Toms River 4 years ago. He worked in information technology for Pathology Solutions. Rich is survived by his wife of 7 years, Diana (De Lello) Bococinski of Toms River; his mother Helen Joyce (Trento) Bococinski; his son Christian Bococinski; his brother Michael Bococinski and his wife Kathryn, and their children Gianna and Nico. Rich was a loving husband, father, son, brother, uncle, nephew, son-in-law, brother-in-law, and cousin. Rich is also survived by the Trento, De Lello, Poller, Hedlund, and Ruiz families. He was passionate about playing soccer and was an avid New Orleans Saints, Cleveland Indians, and Golden State Warriors fan. The family will receive relatives and friends on Sunday, December 17, 2017, from 4PM to 8PM at Weatherhead Young Funeral Home, 885 Mantoloking Rd., Brick, NJ 08723. A funeral Service will be celebrated on Monday, 11am at Weatherhead Young Funeral Home. Burial will follow at Ocean County Memorial Park, Toms River. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the family to benefit Christian’s College Fund. Condolences can be sent to the family at www.weatherheadyoung.com

Photos used with permission of the Bococinski family