Pastor's Kidney Donation Gives Toms River Man A Gift Of Life

TOMS RIVER, NJ ? Last December, Daniel Nemcek told a friend he thought his time was running out.

Nemcek, 51, had been living with an autoimmune disease that had been damaging his kidneys for more than a dozen years. While his kidney function had been declining for a while, in December 2024 it made a precipitous drop.

?It nosedived to 20 percent,? he said. He knew he needed to find a kidney donor and soon, or he might not survive. It wasn?t a question Daniel, who lives in Toms River with his wife, Kristen, and their two children, was prepared to ask.

?How can you ask someone, ?How was your day, can I have your kidney?? ? Daniel said Tuesday. ?It?s a very personal thing to ask.?

As it turned out, he didn?t have to ask. Just shy of six weeks ago, Daniel Nemcek underwent surgery to receive a healthy kidney. The donor? The pastor of the church the Nemceks used to attend.

?I don?t have words to describe it,? Daniel said. ?There?s not enough thank-yous. How can you value the gift of life??

Daniel Nemcek was first diagnosed with IgA nephropathy shortly after his daughter was born 14 years ago. The illness, also known as Berger disease, causes a germ-fighting protein called immunoglobulin A to build up in the kidneys. Over time it causes inflammation that interferes with the kidneys? ability to filter wastes from the blood, according to the Mayo Clinic.

He was diagnosed by accident, Kristen said. Daniel had applied for a life insurance policy to protect Kristen and their daughter if something happened to him. A routine test showed protein in his urine, he said, and that?s when they learned he had kidney disease.

?It?s kind of a silent disease,? Kristen said. ?You don?t know you have it until you?re nearly in kidney failure.?

In Daniel?s case, because his illness had been identified much earlier, it was a dozen years before he reached that critical point, but in January he was diagnosed with kidney failure, Kristen said.

Daniel, who works in construction and in real estate flipping houses, said he could feel the physical impact of the fact that his kidneys were not filtering all the waste products out of his blood, which affected how well his blood processed oxygen.

?I was getting tired more often,? he said. He was placed on a high dose of steroids, which his doctors said would maintain his kidney function at about 20 percent, but by July the steroids were no longer working and he started dialysis.

Kristen said the family reached out to their church community for support soon after the kidney failure diagnosis, and the search for a donor began.

?They surrounded us with prayer,? said Kristen, whose faith has been a key source of her strength throughout the family?s journey. The church community, both in their current church and previous one, has helped the family with meals and support when times got tight financially, because Kristen stayed home to raise the children.

Daniel was placed on a national kidney registry in March, but word also began to spread among their friends and family about Daniel?s diagnosis and the scarcity of available donor organs.

There are more than 102,000 people waiting for kidney transplants nationally, including 2,382 in New Jersey, according to the federal Organ Procurement and Transportation Network, which tracks organ transplants.

There were 27,759 kidney transplants in 2024, according to the agency. Of those, roughly a quarter ? about 6,800 ? were from living donors. The number of people who are becoming living donors is increasing steadily, the agency said, because it shortens the wait time for help.

In New Jersey, the waiting time for a kidney transplant from someone who has died is about seven to eight years, Daniel said, a timeframe that likely would mean he would die before one became available. His nephrologist had told them the likely survival on dialysis was two to three years.

Daniel and Kristen considered moving to Florida temporarily, where the wait time for a kidney from a deceased donor is only about six months to a year, he said. The dramatic difference in the waiting time was due in part to one factor, he said: Motorcycle helmets are not mandatory in Florida for those 21 or older who have at least $10,000 in medical benefits.

Moving to Florida ultimately was unworkable because of health insurance issues, he said.

Kristen, who?s 45, went through testing to be a living donor but she was rejected because she has benign cysts in her body that, while they do not compromise her health, posed a concern for donating, she said.

Daniel, who is from Argentina, said there were discussions with his siblings about the possibility of donating. His younger sister considered it, but her doctor discouraged her because of the potential risks.

?They try to talk you out of it (donation) because they want to make absolutely sure that you want to get there under the knife,? Kristen said. ?Objectively it makes sense, but I was sitting at the table thinking, ?This is my husband, what are you trying to do here?? ?

Daniel said he respected his sister's decision.

?If they say no, you can?t take it personally,? Daniel said.

Daniel?s brother was willing to see if he was a match but he lives in Argentina, Daniel said. The logistics of him coming to the United States for testing and potential donation were too complicated, Daniel said.

After Kristen was ruled out, two friends went for testing but they, too, were not matches.

That?s where Chris, the pastor, came in. Chris had been the pastor at their previous church, before they chose another congregation three years ago.

"We still go to the Christmas service each year to see him and say hello," Daniel said.

Kristen is close friends with Chris?s wife, and the Nemceks? daughter plays sports with Chris?s daughter. Daniel and Chris were part of a group of dads who hung out together at the games because of the connections of the wives and kids, Daniel said.

Part of the group was Daniel?s friend, Adam, who was tested to be a donor but wasn?t a match. Adam had invited Daniel to a men?s group at the church where Chris is the pastor, and as a result Daniel got to know Chris. Both men said they were not super close friends, however.

Chris said he became aware of Daniel?s condition when his wife told him what Kristen had shared with her about Daniel?s health. He agreed to speak with Patch about being the donor on the condition that his last name and the name of the church where he serves be withheld, because he was not looking for accolades.

?It?s not about getting the attention,? Chris said. ?The act of giving anything is rewarding. If this can encourage or inspire other people to be donors, that is a blessing.?

He said his wife came home one day and said Daniel wasn?t doing well, and was in kidney failure.

?At first I was like, that?s too bad, I?ll have to pray for them. I didn?t grasp the severity of it," Chris said. The turning point came when Chris's wife accompanied Kristen to one of her testing appointments.

?My wife came back and said it?s pretty discouraging,? Chris said. ?I remember sitting on the couch with my wife and I said, why don?t I get tested??

When Kristen was ruled out, Chris said he decided to find out what was involved. He spoke with his brother who works in a medical field. His brother told him there is the potential for complications later in life but in most cases that?s decades later.

Daniel said that in cases where living kidney donors end up with kidney failure, they go to the top of the transplant waiting list because they had donated one of theirs.

Chris said his faith was a guiding force in the decision, but it was not an automatic, altruistic response. One of the things that stood out was the practicality: while he had two kidneys, he could live comfortably with just one.

Chris also said he realized that if the person in need of a kidney was someone close to him, he wouldn?t hesitate to help them, and decided that it shouldn?t be an issue to donate to someone he didn?t know well.

?There?s a scripture in James where it says if you come across someone in need and you have the power to do something and you don?t do it, then your faith isn?t real,? Chris said. ?It wasn?t like I was cutting off an arm to give him an arm.?

?I was praying about what to do, and finally I just had a peace about seeing if I was going to be a match,? Chris said, adding, ?If it was me or my wife, I?d hope somebody would be out there willing to help.?

?It took a little while to get the phone call about testing,? Chris said. ?Then it became real. I thought, ?Oh boy, what am I doing?? ?

The testing was intensive, especially the psychological testing, Chris said.

?They asked me how well I knew Daniel. They wanted to make sure I wasn?t being manipulated into it,? he said.

The testing started in April and took four months. Even as he was going through it, Chris said he still had moments of hesitation.

?Part of me was hoping I wasn?t a match,? he said.

He thought about the warnings they had given him about what to expect after surgery ? that he would not be able to drive for a week, and could not lift anything over 25 pounds for a month.

?That?s inconvenient, I thought, but then I was like, What am I thinking? This guy is dealing with 10 times that. I?m thinking about backing out with one or two months of being inconvenienced," he said. ?If I am a match and things are lining up then that might be a sign I should do this.?

Chris, who said he has some minor chronic health conditions, said he took inspiration from another piece of scripture that talks about giving generously and sowing good for yourself in the process.

?I thought, if I can sow into his health, it?s a way of trusting God with my health,? Chris said.

Daniel started kidney dialysis on July 10, a process that meant disrupted sleep several nights a week because he did the dialysis at night. He and Kristen had to switch sides of the bed so that the dialysis tubing could reach their bathroom, and the equipment had very sensitive alarms that would go off if the tubing became pinched at all, he said.

Chris said that because he was undergoing testing, he talked more often with Daniel. One day, Daniel called him with a simple message.

?I heard you?re going up there (for testing). I wanted to thank you for that,? Chris said Daniel told him. ?I felt committed then. I thought if I?m a match that?s great news.?

Chris was notified at the beginning of August that he was indeed a match for Daniel. But the transplant had to be delayed because Chris had a trip to Israel that he?d had planned for some time. His wife and children were fully in support of the donation.

?Once I found out it was a go, there was no looking back,? Chris said.

?When he got back, it was already pretty much set up,? Daniel said.

On Oct. 1, both men were admitted to Cooperman Barnabas Medical Center in Livingston, and in neighboring operating rooms Chris?s kidney was removed and swiftly transplanted into Daniel.

?I was honestly kind of excited to just be there," Chris said. "The only thing I was nervous about was the catheter. I was a little freaked out about (the possible pain).?

After the surgery Chris woke up in a bit more pain than he had anticipated, but he was highly motivated to go home and sleep in his own bed because staying in the hospital was more uncomfortable than he had expected.

?They wanted me there two nights. I wanted to be home after one night,? he said. They told him he had to be able to walk unassisted to leave.

?I made sure I was able to walk,? Chris said with a laugh. At 30 days into the recovery, he said it had been more difficult than he anticipated but he was finally able to start working out lightly, a step toward being back to normal.

?I had to ask my 9-year-old to help me get off the couch,? he said. ?That was a little humbling. I realized that is why everybody gave all the warnings they gave.?

?It?s good to be humble,? Chris said.

Would he do it again?

?Yeah, I would,? he said. ?It isn?t even a second thought.?

While Chris?s surgery took about two hours and required a relatively small incision, Daniel?s took five hours as they connected all the necessary arteries and veins and ureter to link the kidney to the bladder through a larger L-shaped incision.

He felt an immediate difference. The day before the transplant Daniel was producing about 400 milliliters of urine ? about two-thirds of a 20-ounce bottle of soda. The day after the transplant, he produced 3 liters of urine.

The immediate change was a reflection of it being a kidney from a living donor, he said, because it?s essentially unplugging it from the donor and plugging it into the recipient, with mere minutes when it is outside of the bodies.

With a kidney from a deceased donor, the recipients are often on dialysis for a few days after the transplant while the kidney essentially revives its function. With a deceased donor, there can be delays of hours while potential recipients are contacted to find the person who can take it right away, Daniel said.

Daniel also said he was on blood pressure medication before the transplant but has been able to stop taking it because his pressure is normal.

?It?s been a wonderful gift,? Daniel said.

?He gave my husband his physical life,? Kristen said of Chris?s donation. ?What he did for our family is immeasurable. We could never express our gratitude enough.?

Kristen said she and Daniel also have been grateful for the support of their church community, which has provided meals, helped with the financial stress and with the Nemceks? children while Daniel was in the hospital.

?That day when the doctor told us (that Daniel was in kidney failure)? Kristen said she came across a Bible passage that said, ?The Lord God will take you by your right hand and help you.?

?We were receiving the worst news but God was just clearly saying don?t worry I will help you. That?s exactly what he?s done this whole year,? she said.

Daniel will be taking medication to prevent his body from rejecting the kidney for the rest of his life, but that is a small price to pay, he said.

?Every day it?s another day,? Daniel said. ?We never know when it?s going to be the last one. You can?t buy an extra minute when your time comes. When it?s done, it?s done.?

?For some reason the good lord decided that time was not mine,? Daniel said. ?I can see my kids grow up and get married.?

?He gave me the gift of life,? Daniel said. ?There?s nothing more Christlike than that. There?s nothing more selfless.?

?Every day of my life is a gift from God,? Chris said. ?Every body part is a gift from God. Everyone is blessed to be a blessing to others.?

?I was disappointed that I couldn?t donate,? Kristen said. ?God?s plan was so much better.?