Hey, NYC: Here's What To Do If We Get Nuked

NEW YORK, NY — Please do not be alarmed. We here at Patch have no inside information indicating a nuclear event in New York City may be near, aside from the fact that two man-toddlers with tempers almost as large as their egos are currently engaged in a playground squabble with Planet Earth as their sandbox.

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"North Korea best not make any more threats to the United States," U.S. President Donald Trump said from the clubhouse of his New Jersey golf course on Tuesday afternoon. "They will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen. [North Korean leader Kim Jong-un] has been very threatening, beyond a normal state, and as I said: They will be met with fire, fury and frankly, power the likes of which this world has never seen before."

Trump's threats apparently came in reaction to recent U.S. intelligence showing North Korea has managed to fashion miniaturized nuclear warheads that can fit inside missiles.

Watch: Foreign Policy Analysts Fear The Dangers Of US-North Korean Threat

After the American president's golf course outburst, North Korea announced via its government-controlled news agency that it was "examining the operational plan" to launch a missile strike and "enveloping fire" on the Pacific island of Guam, a U.S. territory with an Air Force base.

We've heard these kinds of threats from North Korea before. And at this point, many experts remain doubtful Kim Jong-un has the technology he would need to launch a nuclear bomb far enough to hit the North American mainland. (Although last Friday, Jong-un did launch a non-nuclear intercontinental ballistic missile whose height and range indicated that major U.S. metropolises like Chicago, LA and even New York City could be within reach, according to Newsweek.)

But whatever happens, there's no such thing as being too prepared, right? So take a deep breath, send some heart emojis to your loved ones and brush up, below, on what to do if New York City gets nuked in 2017.

You know, just in case.

All information comes courtesy of the NYC Emergency Management Department, whose spokeswoman notes that a nuclear event in the city is, at this time, still considered "very unlikely."

What To Look For

The good and bad news is that because NYC is America's largest (and arguably most awesome) urban center, we're pretty high on the list of desirable targets for a foreign power. What that means is we'd probably get hit directly — in which case most of us, depending on the size of the nuke, would instantly turn to dust, making followup emergency protocol somewhat moot.

But there are other possible scenarios: a smaller bomb, a badly aimed one, etc. Here's an interactive map of NYC showing the potential range of various types of nuclear bombs. And here's a video primer:

In the best-case scenario, the U.S. government would get wind of a bomb's pending arrival, and you'd get some kind of prior notice (in which case you would skip to the next step, "Where To Go").

But in the absence of prior notice: If a nuclear bomb falls nearby you but not close enough to kill you, the first indication will likely be a flash of light, blast of air or wave of heat.

Then comes the fallout.

"Fallout from a nuclear weapon looks like sandy particles that fall from the sky," the city says. "If you see sandy particles falling from the sky or already on the ground, go indoors immediately."

Oh, and to whatever extent possible, try not to stress. Here's a city guide to staying zen during a disaster.

Where To Go

Bad news for all the nuclear disaster romanticists out there: NYC's thousands of Rockefeller-era fallout shelters, built in the 1950s at the height of nuclear paranoia in America, are for the most part out of commission. Many still exist, of course, but they've almost all been converted for other uses or preserved as tourist relics. Want to know more? Here's a pretty cool Gothamist investigation into the current state of the city's old fleet of fallout shelters.

But back to the matter at hand: saving the human race.

If you notice any signs a bomb has been dropped (see "What To Look For" above), you want to get inside a building immediately. Not a vehicle. A building.

Do not try to go pick up your kids from school (or wherever they might be). "Schools and day care centers understand how to keep children safe," the city says. So just get yourself indoors and worry about the rest later.

Once you're inside your building of choice, look for its heart or center — the point farthest from the outer walls and roof, aka the outside world. Basements or cellars are best, so look for a door or stairwell leading down, down, down — as far down as you can go. If the building you're in has no basement, a room or apartment in the lower central area of the building is second best.

In the name of preparedness (or at least peace of mind), it wouldn't hurt to check out the basement situation in your building and the buildings nearby one of these days, before disaster is nigh.

What To Do Next

Here's what to do once you're safely inside a building, according to the city:

• Shut your doors and windows (if they were open).

• If you are coming in from an area where there is fallout already on the ground, take your shoes off just after entering the building to avoid spreading contamination.

• Remove your clothing. Don't bother trying to wash contaminated clothes. Instead, place them into a plastic bag and seal the bag with tape. Place that bag into a second bag that is also sealed. Then store the bagged clothing where it won't be stolen but is out of the way (for example, in a basement, on a porch, in a closet you don't use often or in a hallway).

• Take a warm shower if possible. Wash your hair, but don't use conditioners because they can bind radioactive material to hair protein, making decontamination more difficult.

• Change in to clean clothes.

• If it is not possible to shower, you should use moist wipes (such as baby wipes) or water from a container to clean your hands, face and especially around your mouth, nose and eyes.

• Wash and dry off your pets. Keep them indoors. Do not shave your pets' fur.

Most importantly, "stay inside," the city says — and "expect to stay there until instructed to leave by emergency personnel."

Stay tuned to alerts and instructions from Notify NYC, media outlets and emergency officials on your phone, TV or radio — whatever's working where you are. Do not leave your building or evacuate your area until instructed to do so by government officials.

The most dangerous radiation levels in the outside air will decrease significantly over the first 24 hours but can last for days. So getting indoors as soon as possible and staying put until officials say the threat has passed is key.

Once New Yorkers are given the go-ahead to come out of hiding, the city says it will announce a list of Community Reception Centers, where you can go to be tested and/or treated for radiation.

What To Eat And Drink

Avoid eating anything in your home or building that was exposed to fallout particles drifting in from open windows or doors. And make sure to rinse all plates, glasses and silverware before using them.

Other than that, "you can eat canned goods, food that is in your refrigerator or freezer, boxed foods and food in bottles or jars," the city says.

Fruits that have to be peeled (bananas, oranges, etc.) are safe to eat. You can also eat fruits and vegetables that are not normally peeled, such as apples and carrots — but be sure to rinse them thoroughly beforehand.

As for water: "It depends on several factors and whether or not the city's or your building's water supply has been affected," city officials say. "The tap water is most likely safe to drink. However, until you hear from public health authorities that NYC tap water is safe to drink, bottled water is the only source that we are certain is free of contamination."

Bottled water and other drinks in containers, while safe, "should be rinsed with a water supply known to be free of contamination prior to opening," the city says.

What You Can Do To Prepare

At the risk of looking like a paranoid apocalypse nerd, there are some steps you can take to make sure you and your family are as prepared as possible for nuclear war before it starts.

City officials recommend keeping a seven-day emergency supply of life essentials inside your home "in an easily accessible container or special cupboard." Here's what to include:

• One gallon of drinking water per person per day
• Nonperishable, ready-to-eat canned foods and manual can opener
• First-aid kit
• Flashlight. Note: Traditional flashlight bulbs have limited lifespans. Light Emitting Diode (LED) flashlights, however, are more durable and last up to 10 times longer than traditional bulbs.
• Battery-operated AM/FM radio and extra batteries (you can also buy wind-up radios that do not require batteries)
• Whistle
• Iodine tablets or one quart of unscented bleach (for disinfecting water only if directed to do so by health officials) and eyedropper (for adding bleach to water)
• Personal hygiene items: soap, feminine hygiene products, toothbrush and toothpaste, etc.
• Phone that does not rely on electricity
• Child care supplies or other special care items

Although hiding in your car is not recommended during a nuclear event, you may have no choice. So the city recommends keeping the following supplies in the trunk of your vehicle:

• Blankets, sleeping bags, extra newspapers for insulation
• Plastic bags (for sanitation)
• Extra mittens, socks, scarves and hat, rain gear and extra clothes
• Sack of sand or kitty litter for gaining traction under wheels, small shovel
• Set of tire chains or traction mats
• Working jack and lug wrench, spare tire
• Windshield scraper, broom
• Small tools (pliers, wrench, screwdriver)
• Booster cables
• Brightly colored cloth to use as a flag, flares or reflective triangles

In case you have to evacuate or flee, pack what the city calls a "Go Bag" ahead of time. Here's what you should put inside:

• Copies of your important documents in a waterproof and portable container (insurance cards, birth certificates, deeds, photo IDs, proof of address, etc.)
• Extra set of car and house keys
• Copies of credit/ATM cards
• Cash (in small bills)
• Bottled water and nonperishable food, such as energy or granola bars
• Flashlight (Note: Traditional flashlight bulbs have limited lifespans. Light Emitting Diode (LED) flashlights, however, are more durable and last up to 10 times longer than traditional bulbs.)
• Battery-operated AM/FM radio
• Extra batteries/chargers
• First-aid kit
• Toiletries
• Notepad and pen
• Contact and meeting place information for your household, and a small regional map
• Lightweight rain gear and Mylar blanket
• If you have children, pack child care supplies as well as games and small toys
• If you have any special medical needs, pack instructions and extra batteries for any devices you use, aerosol tire repair kits and/or tire inflator to repair flat wheelchair or scooter tires and back-up medical equipment
• Items to comfort you in a stressful situation

You should also pack a Go Bag for your pet, the city says. (Awww.) Here's what to include:

• A current color photograph of you and your pet together (in case you are separated)
• Copies of medical records that indicate dates of vaccinations and a list of medications your pet takes and why he or she takes them
• Proof of identification and ownership, including copies of registration information, adoption papers, proof of purchase and microchip information
• Physical description of your pet, including species, breed, age, sex, color, distinguishing traits and any other vital information about characteristics and behavior
• Animal first aid kit, including flea and tick treatment and other items recommended by your veterinarian
• Food and water for at least three days
• Food and water dishes
• Collapsible cage or carrier
• Muzzle* and sturdy leash (*Note: Nylon muzzles should only be used temporarily, as they can restrict a dog’s ability to pant)
• Cotton sheet to place over the carrier to help keep your pet calm
• Comforting toys or treats
• Litter, litter pan and litter scoop
• Plastic bags for cleanup

Photo by Kevin Jaako/Flickr