NYC Named 'America's Sweatiest City'

NEW YORK, NY — This is our moment, guys. For all the days spent schlepping through Midtown with a soaked-through work shirt and hair like the swamp thing; for all the nights spent rolling around in our own human-shaped bed puddles, trying to pretend we're on a tropical vaycay; for all the subway rides spent packed into a stalled train car with a mob of other dripping, half-naked humans screaming for help in the dark (or really just the one) — we have been redeemed. For ours has been named "America's Sweatiest City" for 2017.

Here's a list of the nation's Top 10 sweatiest cities, released this week by the Honeywell Fans company:

1. New York City
   
2. Washington, D.C.
   
3. Chicago
   
4. Miami
   
5. Boston
   
6. Philadelphia
   
7. Atlanta
   
8. Tampa
   
9. Houston
   
10. New Orleans

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"The results are in and based on all of the considered factors, New York, N.Y. is expected to be the sweatiest city in the country this summer," Honeywell's research team announced in a press release. "Ranking first in population density and public transportation usage, and in the top five for percentage of homes without central AC, it's clear why New York City topped this year's list."

As stoked as we are to be receive this honor, though, it should be noted that Honeywell's annual ranking relies on a somewhat mysterious data-crunching formula invented by an equally mysterious Massachusetts-based "environmental consulting company" called Environmental Health & Engineering.

Patch was having a hard time getting a hold of Dr. Ted Myatt, lead "sweatiest cities" scientist, to vet his process Friday.

But in the Honeywell press release, the scientist explained that "to identify the sweatiest cities across the nation," he combed through records from a number of federal agencies. He said he looked at:

• The percentage of homes without central air conditioning
• The popularity of public transportation and citywide bike sharing programs
• The cities with the 'hottest' professions
• Average summer temperatures
• Population density

So, yeah — your call whether or not to trust the method behind NYC's new title. But ask any one of the hundreds of New Yorkers recovering from last month's F train ride from hell, or perhaps one of the tens of thousands of city schoolkids who still have to sit through eight-hour days without a classroom AC unit, and we're willing to bet they might concur with the mysterious Dr. Myatt.

Lead photo courtesy of Samantha Mushnick/Twitter