5 Ways To Ease The Caregiving Process

The challenges posed by taking responsibility for a loved one’s societal and financial obligations doesn’t have to weigh on your well-being. These tips can help ease the process.

1. Think before you act

As a family caregiver, there is often the feeling of pressure to do something immediately. In most situations, immediate action is not required. Take a deep breath. Evaluate both the pros and cons of taking specific actions before you make a final decision.

2. Let go of guilt

As a person ages, more and more problems develop over time. You have to remember you can’t fix everything simultaneously. Setting priorities and realistic goals may be needed. Caregivers can feel like they’re failing or not helping the situation if their loved one is not making progress. That can cause feelings of:

1. Resentment at being asked to do more than they are able, and
2. Guilt because they are unable to do more.

Let go of the guilt, it is not productive or helpful.

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3. Understand what you can change

This is closely related to letting go of guilt. Understanding what you can change, and what you cannot, is essential and will help minimize feelings of resentment or guilt. It is important to remember not to beat yourself up. Many people who assume the role of caregiver are juggling multiple responsibilities – they are part of the sandwich generation — balancing the needs of their aging parents, marriage, kids of their own and career. It can be exhausting and at times, it may feel like you are spread too thin and aren’t making a difference in any area of your life. Remember you are doing your best.

4. Take care of yourself

Many times, caregivers forget to take care of themselves. This can result in depression, anxiety and anger. If you’re not eating right or sleeping well, you may find yourself acting more aggressively, being quicker to anger or withdrawing from others. Pay attention to those signs and if you need help…ask for it. Always remember the advice the airlines give passengers: In case of emergency, affix the oxygen mask to yourself first and then help your child or loved one. You can only help others if you are taken care of first.

5. Grieving is normal

Experiencing grief when caring for those we love with chronic illness, or those who are experiencing decline, is normal. When we see those we love having difficulty or unable to do the things they used to do, we begin grieving as they go through these different stages. This can be part of a normal process. If it becomes too overwhelming, you as the caregiver need to seek emotional support, achievable treatment goals, and likely additional assistance in caring for your loved one.

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An internist, geriatrician, palliative care physician and public health leader, Maria Carney, MD, brings extensive expertise to Northwell Health. As medical director of Post-Acute Services, Dr. Carney aligns the health system’s Department of Medicine and Post-Acute Services, which includes inpatient palliative care, sub-acute rehabilitation, outpatient geriatric medicine, home care and hospice. She is a physician and founding member of the Nassau County Medical Reserve Corps, a community-based, civilian and volunteer program committed to strengthening local public health initiatives. From 2008-2011, she was commissioner of health for Nassau County.

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