For Alcoholics Only One Sure Way to Not Drink and Drive

I'm torn because while I don’t want to delve into private matters, I feel compelled to speak out or shirk my duty as a human being…

I work in the funeral business. I’m not a funeral director, but I help several funeral homes with tasks such as supervising visiting hours, helping directors bring the deceased to the funeral home, driving the hearse or limo for funerals, carrying caskets, setting up flowers, producing memorial videos, running errands, anything and everything that helps funeral directors do their job.

I never sought to do this work. When I lost my job in publishing a funeral director friend asked me if I wanted to help him occasionally. Needing to earn some money I said yes. Another funeral worker friend saw me outside a church during a service and suggested to his director that he call me for an upcoming funeral. That same director had a funeral livery business, and I got a chauffeur license and started driving for several funeral homes around Westchester. Soon several of these funeral homes hired me to work wakes, funerals, and to drive their cars. Now, you might see me working at 15 different funeral homes in Westchester, Putnam or the Bronx.

It’s never easy to help the bereaved, but the past couple weeks have really hit me hard — two alleged drunk drivers killed innocent people and I’ve worked at the wakes and funerals. These deaths impact me differently because I am a recovering alcoholic. I have not had a drink in over 27 years, but I still remember driving drunk. It horrifies me to think that I could have easily killed another person. Seeing the deceased, their lives ended so tragically; watching their families enter a chapel at a wake, loved-ones having to be held up as their knees buckle from grief makes me incredibly sad and angry, and it brings back memories of my own drunk driving.

I remember going off the road early one morning, drunk out of my mind, and bouncing over outcropped rocks, blowing both tires on the passenger side of the car. Surely I would have severely injured or killed my passenger had a tree or pole been in my path. Then there was the time I did a 360 on a rainy night under the overpass at the routes 9 and 9A split in Ossining. As a firefighter I’ve been to that same spot a dozen times for auto accidents, but somehow my car just spun around and did not hit anything or roll—to the benefit of the other three guys in the car. There was also the time near Kensico Dam that I took the turn off Broadway onto the Taconic Parkway too fast and slammed the side of the car into the guardrail. Or the time I was showing off drunk, leaving rubber, and went through a picket fence. Other times I had to put a hand over one eye so I wouldn’t see double while driving drunk. I was a blackout drinker, so these are just the incidents I remember.

I’m lucky I never killed another or myself.

I’m coming clean about all this because I hope that another alcoholic will see this article and understand that the only way to be sure they won’t drive drunk is to not drink.

Alcoholics, when sober, aren’t stupid. We know we must not drink and drive and we may even take all the precautions imaginable. Unfortunately, alcohol completely impairs judgment. When drunk, we think we can do anything, can get away with anything, and all rational thinking goes away. I’ve heard stories from alcoholics who lost their license yet drove drunk anyway; who had a breathalyzer in the car but found ways to fool the machine; who sold their car for fear of driving drunk and then stole a car drunk. Short of being locked up, there’s no way for an alcoholic to completely insure that they won’t drive drunk—except not drinking.

How do you know if you’re an alcoholic? Behaviors like being out till 4:00 AM drinking, heading to a bar after dropping your kid at school, getting tanked up before work, or having a bottle of vodka on the passenger seat might be an indication—normal drinkers don’t do that kind of thing.

Some alcoholics drink and get drunk everyday, but not all. You can find literature to see if your drinking is a problem on the Internet or at your local library. A common questionnaire surveys signs such as:

· Does drinking affect your work?

· Does drinking affect your relationships?

· Do you drink in the morning?

· Did you ever blackout?

Another relevant question might be:

· When you drink do you ever do stupid things that horrify you when you sober up?

For me this was the key to identifying myself as an alcoholic: I did not drink every day, but when I did drink I had no control over how much I drank, or how I behaved.

If you can relate, and you want to be sure you don’t kill yourself or another by driving drunk, stopping drinking is the only sure way. Some alcoholics might need to first go to detox or rehab. I was able to stop drinking by associating with others who no longer drink and who helped me stay away from alcohol.

There are several organizations of recovering alcoholics who help each other not drink: Alcoholics Anonymous, Secular Sobriety, and Smart Recovery are just three you can look into. My experience shows nothing insures staying sober as well as being connected to other people who understand you and your illness. I stopped drinking on my own for a few years in my twenties, but when I drank a glass of Champaign at a wedding it set off a two-year binge. This time around, getting help from others has kept me free from alcohol for three times longer than the years that I drank.

I can assure you that driving sober is one wonderful benefit of being a sober alcoholic, but it’s by no means the only benefit. I have great relationships with my family and many, many friends and we have great times together. I remember thinking I could never have any fun without alcohol, but I have proved myself wrong thousands of times.

I hope any alcoholic who sees this will seek help. Better for me to meet you on your sober path than at work.