From Addiction To New Life, Career: 'I Was Close To Death'

SAG HARBOR, NY — Four years ago, Nick McErlean, now 31, was struggling to survive an addiction so deadly it almost stole his future. But through the faith of a woman who helped him find his way to recovery — and two Sag Harbor classmates who believed in him — today, McErlean has found love, family, and a bright new career.

Today, McErlean has found hope.

McErlean is working with Ryan Verneuille and "Hamptons Dave," or David Locascio — the three attended Pierson High School together and grew up in Sag Harbor— as well as "Mr. Cheeks," a 90s Grammy award-winning rapper from The Lost Boyz on "The Ryan Show."

The four have combined creative forces on "The Ryan Show FM," a multimedia platform consisting of a globally syndicated radio program, news website, and live variety show; the show is based in New York City.

Every week on "The Ryan Show FM," hosts Verneuille, Hamptons Dave and Mr. Cheeks conduct interviews with celebrities and others, present comedy sketches, and perform live music.

Creator Verneuille started the show while working as a sushi chef for Bridgehampton's Japanese restaurant, Yama Q, McErlean said.

McErlean said his journey with "The Ryan Show" did not begin until December, 2019, four years after Verneuille launched.

"When COVID hit, given my past struggles, I wanted to find something to fill all the time we had during quarantine. A dream I'd had since I was a little kid was to write, talk about, and cover professional sports."

He'd started a blog but it reached a very limited audience, through close friends and family, he said.

"It was not long at all until my two close friends who I'd grown up with, Ryan and Hamptons Dave, saw what I was doing and reached out to me, asking me to join their show as a journalist," McErlean said.

Soon, McErlean began to provide steady material for the show, and by February, he'd had the opportunity of a lifetime to do interviews with two of his longtime idols, Sugar Ray Leonard and New York Knicks legend Allan Houston.

"I published those articles for our website and after Ryan saw that my vision and passion for this dream of mine aligned with the direction he was taking with his brand, it was off to the races from there," he said.

The new life McErlean is living a long way, in miles and moments, from the man he left behind in 2017, a man whose life had long been mired in the deep grip of addiction.

His new chapter began on the day McErlean first boarded a flight to recovery with the help of Tracy Farrell, a Rocky Point mother who lost her own son Kevin to heroin addiction and has since devoted her days to helping others fight their demons.

Their story is about recovery and finding light at the end of a tunnel so dark it seems impossible that any hope can ever rise from the proverbial ashes.

McErlean, like so many on the East End, grew up in Sag Harbor, attending Pierson Middle-High School and going to parties with his friends — before he became ensnared in the grip of a cocaine addiction that almost cost him his life and dreams.

The first time he drank, he said, he was 14 years old. "I was at a party and figured, 'Why not?' All my friends were drinking and I wanted to fit in." Next, he began smoking marijuana, "very heavily, multiple times a day. I couldn't get through my day without smoking pot. I didn't want to do anything without smoking pot first, going to school, going to the movies, it was, smoke a joint first."

He obtained an amateur boxing license, competing in a Golden Gloves competition, and stopped using drugs until a "freak accident" in the ring led to a broken hand when he was 17.

"I was in a depression about it, and that's when the drinking started more heavily during the week, on school nights, lying to my parents about where I was," McErlean said.

Along with the drinking, he began smoking marijuana again and experimented with mushrooms, acid, and ecstasy. At college in Boston, McErlean said he "took advantage of the whole party scene, drinking heavily five nights a week, missing class, smoking weed, doing cocaine."

Back on the East End, McErlean said he tried to pick up the pieces, attending Suffolk County Community College, "but the partying just took over. I remember my 21st birthday. I was driving to and from school that night, wasted. I could have killed somebody."

Cocaine, he said, took over his life. "I even stopped smoking pot in lieu of doing the coke because my cocaine habit had become so expensive; all my money went to that."

His parents, McErlean said, loved him unconditionally, through the dark days of his addiction, although they weren't aware of his cocaine use at first. "They always had my back," he said. "They had nothing to do with why I reached out to drugs or alcohol."

Looking back, McErlean says his survival is nothing short of miraculous. "There were so many times I could have overdosed," he said.

His first attempt at sobriety came at 22 and lasted "all of four months," he said. His painful journey includes a suicide attempt, McErlean said. "I was so depressed. Drugs had taken over my life."

The pain of a breakup with a girlfriend, he said, contributed to the despair. Recalling that dark day, he said, "I had gotten high on coke, then the coke ran out. I was just so depressed and so angry at myself, at the position I'd put myself in from years of abusing my body. I had a bottle of pills and I took the whole thing."

McErlean took 75 Vicodin pills, he said. When asked about how he'd survived, he said, "I call it God." He learned that even while in a blackout, he'd called 911 himself.

And then, there was a turning point.

"When I woke up in the hospital, it wasn't my drug buddies or drinking buddies around me. It was everyone I'd hurt, by doing drugs. My dad, my stepmother, my uncle, my brothers. They were all there, with tears coming from their eyes, telling me how much they loved me, even after all that. It was beautiful, and also, very sad. That's why I take this so seriously now."

He added, "This is life and death. There's no sugar coating on it. Drug addiction and alcoholism is an every-day, life-and-death struggle."

After that moment of truth, McErlean said he ended up in the sober house where he'd been 10 months before.

And that's when, he said, Farrell came in.

"God came into play," McErlean said. He said he wanted to go to rehab off Long Island, and found a facility in Florida, where he was told he could have a bed if he could find a flight. He hadn't even told his parents yet, McErlean said.

"For the first time in 40 days, I hit my knees," he said. "I didn't pray to go to Florida. I prayed for whatever God saw fit for me to do. The next morning, I got a call from Tracey, who told me she'd started a foundation, 'On Kevin's Wings' in memory of her son, who she lost to an overdose. I was crying at this point. She said, 'I heard you want to go to Florida.'"

New love, new life

Four days later, he was on a plane, and three years later he is celebrating a life of sobriety and new beginnings.

After Florida, McErlean learned that his stepfather had passed away days after he returned home. He lived with his mother and sister before moving to Canada, where he now lives, to be with a woman with whom he'd found love.

"Three years later and we are married just over two years and I have three amazing stepchildren," McErlean said. "Without them, none of this would be possible."

And, too, he credits the love and support of his school friends for helping him to forge a new career path.

"Make no mistake about it: Ryan, Dave and I share a brotherly like bond now that dates back to the days of elementary school. I can't honestly think of another team I would rather go through the ebbs and flows of this industry with. Four years ago, I was as close to death as I have ever been, whether by my choices or my own hand — and to have Ryan, Dave, and Mr. Cheeks believe in me enough to bring me on and allow me to chase my dreams is a level of gratitude I simply can't find the words for," he said.

Farrell brims with pride as she reflects on McErlean's amazing new beginning. "Nick was the first recipient that 'On Kevin's Wings' helped. He reached out on his own and knew what he wanted and needed to do. I could tell in one conversation that Nick is someone with determination. His things, his way. I am so proud and excited for what his future holds. Following his passion, his way," said said.

On "The Ryan Show," McErlean books guests behind the scenes, and orchestrates interviews and episodes of the show. He took on the role of a producer while simultaneously providing and editing content for the show's Alexa-ranked websites, theryanshow.fm and theryanshow.net, he said.

Looking ahead, career plans include helping to produce "The Ryan Show FM", curating the expanding news site, and continuing to increase the show's credibility in sports media, he said. Heading into 2021, the direction of 'The Ryan Show' is centered around expanding the reach of its platform through syndication and brand ambassadors, McErlean said.

"We are building our @theryanshowlive account on Instagram as a channel to provide a platform for musicians, comedians, and entrepreneurs to showcase their skillsets," he said.

In addition, plans include adding more visual content and further expanding onto more FM radio stations around the country.

"What started as a shock-jock comedy podcast has evolved into a national radio show and a reputable brand in the multimedia industry. Ryan’s vision for the show has always remained the same," McErlean said.

“I have always aimed to bridge the gap between contrasting views using comedy and dialogue. The difference between now and five years ago is that we have the ability to bring on more prominent guests, which has expanded our viewership," Verneuille said.

"The Ryan Show FM" is broadcast on 10 FM stations across the world; the show is also broadcast on 280 digital stations, representing nearly every major city in the country.

The show has grown in popularity, McErlean said. "Listeners want to hear people having fun and we always have a genuinely good time. And we enable people to get comfortable with being uncomfortable in a way that is entertaining and gravitating. "

For a full schedule, click here.

Even throughout the pandemic, McErlean and the show's hosts have continued to forge bonds and achieve creative dreams.

"Covid has of course brought on its share of challenges, but when you all share the same vision and same drive to succeed, it makes the challenges a lot easier to face and overcome. I wouldn't want to be on the road to success with any other professionals than 'The Ryan Show,'" he said.

For others struggling at a time in their lives when hope seems futile, McErlean offers words of hard-earned wisdom.

"What I would say to anyone who is hesitant to take the leap of faith on their dream is 'stop. Stop making excuses and just go for it. Stop worrying about what others may say or how they may judge your endeavors. The truth is, people will always doubt you, but it is the ones who believe in you that will get you through the times you even doubt yourself. When you have that 'Nothing can stop me' mentality, anything is possible."