Teen Remembered With Tears, Joy: 'You Are Part Of Us Forever'

MATTITUCK, NY — A broken-hearted group of family and friends remembered a North Fork teen with stories and songs, tears and joy at his funeral service on Saturday.

A service for Ryan Michael Oliver of Mattituck, 16, who died suddenly on Thursday, January 28, took place at the True Light Church in Southold. Photos of Ryan's life filled the room, where his team #33 was also displayed.

Ryan's friend Eric McKenna spoke first; the pair had been friends since first grade and played lacrosse together. "From the very beginning, I knew he was a leader," he said. "I can talk all day about his athletic ability, his leadership, and his intelligence, but what really matters is that he was a true friend to all of us. He was my go-to person."

If he needed advice, Eric said, Ryan would be the person he'd turn to, the friend who would always listen.

"Ryan cared about each and every one of us. He was truly a selfless person," Eric said. "On behalf of all your friends and classmates at Mattituck High School, I just want to say we all love and miss you so very much. Our lives will never be the same without you. You will always be a part of us."

Ryan's "Poppie" Ed Schwerdt said his family will see their precious boy in the rebirth of spring, in the blueness of the sky, in the warmth of the sun; those who love him will feel his "beauty in the rustling of the wind." At the beginning of the year and at every year's end, Ryan will be remembered, as he will be at family celebrations forever, he said.

"So long as we live, you, too, shall live. You're a part of us. We will put you in our hearts and we will remember you," he said.

Ryan's aunt Allyson Wood said the community had embraced her family with open arms. "The love and grief in this room is palpable," she said. To those watching the service on Zoom, she added: "We can feel your presence. You are here with us and we love you and thank you for sharing in the celebration."

Ryan, she said, was the oldest grandchild on his mother's side of the family, and the entire family celebrated his every milestone. "His first step, a lost tooth, his first soccer game. We soaked it all in. I could go on and on about what a great person he was."

Ryan, she said, was wonderful to his family and his cousins.

Allyson read a letter from Ryan's grandmother Karen Schwerdt: "Dear Ryan, 16 years ago, from the moment of your birth, I experienced a love I never dreamed of or could imagine. You are the light and love of our lives."

His grandmother shared cherished memories. "Since you were a baby you've added so much joy to my life," she said. "Though we come from different generations our hearts shared the same laughter and love. You were such a good boy, in the true sense of the word."

After each of his many games, Ryan, Karen said, always came up to his grandparents to thank them for coming. "You let your 8-year old cousins touch your gorgeous curly hair, no matter how annoying it was," she wrote.

Karen recalled moments of shared laughter, when her grandson helped his grandma, who was perpetually getting lost. "Remember when I couldn't get out of one of the rooms of the Museum of Natural History? Or the time we took a ferry from the Statue of Liberty and got off at the wrong island?"

And then, she wrote: "The last of many memories that shows what a special grandson you are was when you zipped and unzipped your granny's wetsuit until I finally got it on."

His grandmother spoke of her immeasurable loss: "Ryan, if I could tell you a million times a day that I love you and hug you just as much, that's how much you mean to me. You will live in our hearts and souls and minds forever...Thank you, from both Poppy's and my hearts, for letting us be a part of your story and for being such a gigantic part of ours. All my love, forever and ever, Granny."

Karen then spoke to those gathered, the many who are "devastated, lost in grief. Our spirits are broken...The way to honor Ryan? Live."
She: "Be kind to one another, to yourself. Sometimes our smallest actions become our biggest. Ryan's life has brought so much joy to so many. We were all lucky to have him touch our lives. We can honor him by being just a bit kinder and loving just a bit harder."

His father spoke about his son's love of camping trips, kayaking, and paddleboarding. "Most of all, he loved spending time as a family," he said.

Michael described long hours of conversation with his boy in the car, driving to and from lacrosse practices; Ryan, he said, lived a life filled with sports and plans — family trips were scheduled around his schedule. But one family trip in 2019 stood out, he said, sharing a video of Ryan and the family sharing smiles and making memories over a chipmunk. He talked about his son's love for his friends, the friends to whom he was fiercely loyal.

He spoke about Ryan's love for his family, his mother Kristen, and sister Kate.

And he shared his son's love of athletics, especially lacrosse and soccer, and about his team spirit. "Ryan was competitive from the word 'go,'" he said. "He would never let his own mother win a game," he laughed. "He always demanded the best of himself and spent hours practicing at home even after two hours of travel."

He told stories about his son and his friends, laughing at memories that brought joy. And he opened up to reveal a father's broken heart.

Michael said he was bereft, and also spoke of his gratitude for faith, a faith that has carried his family through the darkest of storms. "I would not be able to go through this on my own," he said.

To those mourning, he said, "Trust in Jesus, let Him comfort you and carry you through this."

Pastor Keith Benson officiated and also shared memories of Ryan.

In lieu of flowers, a GoFundMe page, In Memory of Ryan Oliver, has been created by his father to honor the young athlete's memory; donations will be shared across local charities that support children and their families, in his name.

"Thank you all for the tremendous support these past few days. You have shown how loved Ryan is. He is such a special boy," his family wrote. "We will miss him so, so much."

"In the true spirit of our Ryan, we will use this to spread love all around," Oliver wrote. "His is a legacy of goodness, and a story of a life lived with real kindness. His light will burn bright forever in each heart that was blessed to know him and be a part of his life. Adored and loved forever and ever."

The community has also come together to raise donations in Ryan's memory. Darla Doorhy of Kait's Angels said a Valentine's Day raffle has been organized with all proceeds to benefit Ryan's family. Raffle tickets cost $5 each or five for $10. The value of the prize basket is $585, she said.

The tickets will be sold at Wendy's Deli in Mattituck from Wednesday, Feb. 10 through Saturday, Feb. 13; the winning ticket will be chosen on Saturday at 1:30 p.m., weather permitting.

Tickets can also be purchased by Venmo to @darladoorhy; those participating should include their full name, cell number, and town, she said. Checks may also be made payable to Mike Oliver and mailed to Darla Doorhy, 1125 Ole Jule Lane, Mattituck, NY 11952.

"This past week another beautiful family buried their child. Ryan Oliver has entered heaven way too soon," Doorhy said.

A message to parents from Mattituck-Cutchogue Union Free School Superintendent Jill Gierasch was shared: "It is with deep sadness that I share with you that we were informed that a student from Mattituck High School passed away. Our heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with the family at this most difficult time."

The district has coordinated efforts to speak with students in each class and counseling was set up, with additional support in the weeks ahead, she said.

"This is a devastating loss for our community," Gierasch said.

To donate to the GoFundMe, click here.

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