5 Reasons Why Moms Are Over-Scheduled

Most moms I know don’t have a minute in their schedule for a breather. Between work, their kids' busy lives and everything else, their days are booked solid. And if a mom does have a free hour, it’s almost always used up in some productive way, or else she just won’t feel good about herself. Why can't we give ourselves a break?

Sure, my generation might be a bit type A, focused on achieving an ever-growing list of life goals. But if we're miserable while doing all of this, is it really worth it?

One mother at my son's school is a yoga teacher by day and a singer by night. Her life seems exciting, but with two boys under the age of 6, she has her hands full and is overwhelmed trying to manage it all.

Last year, another mom with a child in my son’s class was going to nursing school while working and being the main caretaker for three children while her husband worked full-time. Her life wasn’t easy, but somehow she got through it.

A third mother I know works full-time in PR and has told me that her weekends are booked solid with activities for the next three months. I assume I probably won’t get to see much of her, and will try not to take it personally.

You can call me lazy if you'd like, but Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In" mentality — which suggests you can work a serious 40- to 50-hour work week and happily manage your family and have enough time for self care all at once — never really clicked with me.

I would much rather focus on things one at a time. First, my kid. Then, I’ll concentrate more on my career when he’s in elementary school. After that, I’ll finally publish that book before I'm a senior citizen. Maybe that will be a nice activity while I have stiff bones and can’t move around much. The point is, I have to pace myself.

Life-coach Valorie Burton recently wrote a book called "It's About Time," which offers practical steps to choosing the "meaningful" over the "urgent" so that your life is unhurried-yet-purposeful.

"Research shows ... that we actually have MORE free time, not less, than women in previous generations. But we spend more of our time being entertained— watching television and scrolling on our phones, for example," says Burton. "We have so much coming at us — information, advertising, and higher expectations from employers to do more in less time. Because of technology, we can accomplish more than moms in previous generations, and so we fill up all of that 'saved time' with more activity."

If this is true, then why does it seem like today's moms are prone to leading over-scheduled and hurried lives these days? Here are a few of my theories:

Living Costs Are High

The cost of living is so high today that two parents need to work long-hour days to cover the bills. In our town, real estate taxes alone are more than $20,000 a year. Moms feel they have no choice but to get back to work right away to help contribute to the bills.

Accomplishment Is Tied To Self Worth

We live in a society where if you don’t achieve and excel at something, you aren't respected. This idea puts so much pressure on us, creating a deep feeling unworthiness. If only we could feel amazing about ourselves whether we achieve “success” or not. If we could feel good enough no matter what we do, we would see a shift in our lives.

Being Still Is Painful

What happens if we do sit still without doing anything or scheduling much? We start to feel uncomfortable. Our mind starts chattering like we have the full cast of The Muppets hanging out in our heads — and not the kind or funny Muppets. Our thoughts can be painful, but instead of watching them and letting them pass, we keep moving to avoid them.

We Can’t Say No

We never want to disappoint anyone in our lives, so we simply can't say the two letter word, NO. It's important to check in with ourselves and make sure we're taking on projects that speak to our heart and that we have time for, instead of committing to tasks that only please others.

We Follow Our Mind

We are ruled by our heads versus our hearts. Our mind will always pull us in a million directions and tell us what to do. Ignore those thoughts always. Instead, listen to your heart, which is who you are and will guide you exactly where you need to be, and in the right time.

Burton's book offers up some advice for moms feeling this pressure. "Press pause. Don’t make decisions because you feel pressured," she writes. "Instead, ask, 'Is this meaningful or is it urgent?' Identify your vision. How would you prefer to spend your time? Know your goal and you are less likely to schedule activities that do not lead you to it."

I am as driven as any type A mom, and I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t go for our goals. But by doing less and enjoying our lives more, maybe we cross things off our list with a little more pleasure versus desperation. Maybe we focus on one priority at a time and remember that a mom’s life is not about quickly getting to our destinations alone, but enjoying a long, easy ride with our family and friends, who love play dates and drinking coffee, together.