5 Ways To Help Long-Distance Grandparents Feel Closer

There’s a recent study that shows that grandparents live longer when they help out with their grandchildren, as mentioned in this Parents article. The idea seems to stem from the fact that caring for grandchildren or someone you love gives older people more of a reason to live longer.

As I write this, I'm sitting across from my 90-year-old dad in Florida, who has heart disease and takes a handful of pills each night and day to keep on going. He might be here with us for another few months, or a few years if we are so lucky. We are only visiting for a week with our 3-year-old, but we're soaking up every pool splash, slow walk around the golf course and early bird special together.

Even though we only live two-and-a-half hours away by plane, it can feel like a world away. Traveling today isn’t easy, especially with a toddler, so we only get here about once a year.

And I know I'm not alone being far from my children's grandparents. We are all so independent with opportunities to leave our childhood communities and live anywhere around the country or world so for many, the multi-generational family unit seems, sadly, almost a thing of the past.

But a relationship with a grandparent is too special to ignore. My husband’s grandfather was actually his best man at our wedding at 94 years old, and he was lifelong best friends with his grandmother, who lived until she was 92. They would sit around and drink coffee and have deep talks about life since as long as he can remember. But that’s the amazing thing about grandparents: They stretch limits, have no filters and will spoil you rotten — even if it’s just with good coffee and cake.

On this trip, my dad is still hanging in there. He drives us to Target every morning for a treat, which is usually a latte and cute dress for me, and a toy for my son. My mom is around too, shopping and cooking for us in between playing "monster"and "catch me" down the halls of her condo with our son. Then, my son performs a dance and gymnastics show to the music of Mozart, cracking us all up before he kisses and hugs everyone goodnight. It’s all too sweet, but it's always heartbreaking when we have to eventually say goodbye — we hope, just for now.

There is no substitute for being physically close to the grandparents in your life, but here are some ways to keep your connection strong through distance:

Video Dates

Schedule a weekly standing video chat together. You can even help grandparents set up their phones and walk them through the process or hire a computer expert to visit them. We use the WhatsApp because it’s an easy download and free call. Make sure you pick one day and time of the week to have your call, so you can be free and ready!

Letters

Written letters might be old-school, but they will give grandparents a nice activity, and your kids will have an amazing keepsake. Ask them to write to you at least once a month with updates about their life. If email is more your speed, commit to writing them at least twice a month so that everyone feels connected and is up to date on all the fun and honest details of your life.

Photo Share

Create a shared photo folder on your phone and invite your family to it. Post photos of your life to the shared folder weekly. We use the iPhoto shared folder on our phones and my parents access it from their iPad since they don’t have iPhones. But there are other shared folder programs and apps you can use too like SmugHug, Cluster and Google Photos.

Forgive

You can’t have a close and connected relationship with your children's grandparents if you don’t get over any resentment you might have. We all have issues with our parents and some go deep! Find a way to forgive your parents fully, realizing they did the best job they could as parents, and that no one is perfect, including yourself.

Frequent Flyer Perks

In the end, an in-person visit with the grandparents is everything. It’s easy to put off a visit because of work, stressful traveling and lack of time or money, but none of that will matter in the end. Make it a priority to see the grandparents at least once a year or more if possible. Also, make sure you have a credit card with great frequent flyer miles so you can cut down on travel costs, like a JetBlue credit card.

Currently, my dad is in his comfortable chair in the living room, half resting but mostly enjoying our company. My toddler and mom are play fighting with swords. But that’s better than drinking coffee, right? Their bond is strong and the joy they get from their relationship is deep no matter the distance, and I hope to keep it that way.

Related Parenting Advice:

• What To Do When Your Mother Interferes With Your Parenting
• Surviving Tantrums: How To Handle Your Toddler's Next Outburst
• The Dangers Of Posting Your Children's Photos Online