5 Ways To Model Healthy Marriage Habits To Your Kids

My marriage is pretty solid. Mainly because I’ve worked out many of my issues on the other men I’ve dated in my past. Those poor guys! If you're reading this, I sincerely apologize.

Yes, I can be “high strung,” which can also lead me to get a little hot-headed at times. I'm never boring, though! Growing up, my mother would throw shoes at my dad when she was upset, (luckily she mostly wore flats), so things could be worse.

Like any couple, my husband and I can have our testy moments — only now we have a toddler in the room looking up at us with innocent, sweet eyes. I would hate to be an example of what not to do in marriage and mess up his chances of being in a good relationship one day. Our boy needs to make us some grandchildren before I’m too old to babysit!

Alan Wenderoff, psychologist from Everyday Parenting, says, "Children are far more influenced by what we do than what we say. Accordingly, we need to treat each other with kindness, compassion and respect. Children imitate our behaviors in similar contexts, so how we deal with situations like addressing our wants and needs, our response to stress and resolving conflict provides our children with a blueprint to do the same."

In other words, "Do as I do, not as I say."

Looking to improve the example you might be setting at home? Psychologist Jacqueline Dunkelman shares the five relationship habits we should model for our kids at home so they turn out to be great relationship material one day:

1. Model Kindness

Acknowledge when your partner does something kind or helpful, and express your appreciation for things he or she does. For example, if your partner makes dinner, does the dishes or folds laundry, thank them in front of your child. Children pick up on the simplest actions and gestures of kindness.

2. Work It Out, Don't Shout It Out

Address conflict in a calm and rational manner. Fighting and yelling scares children and teaches them to fear and avoid conflict. Working out conflict with your partner through communication and compromise teaches children conflict can be embraced and problems can be solved.

3. Present As A United Front

It is important that children think of their parents as a team. Receiving different messages from parents can confuse children and complicate their ability to navigate relationships outside of the family.

4. Share Responsibilities

This doesn’t have to be a formal delegation of jobs, but it’s important to let your kids see that you try to help each other out (e.g. your partner cooks dinner, you clean up). This teaches children relationships require work from both parties.

5. Have Fun With Each Other

When life gets hectic and it seems like you’re spending all of your time talking about logistics and groceries, your relationship might start to feel like more of a business partnership than a marriage, but it’s important to show your kids that relationships are fun! Embrace opportunities to laugh and be silly with each other, especially in front of the kids. Try to establish a routine date night and talk to your kids about the importance of having fun adult time with your partner.

As Wenderoff says, kids learn more from how we behave versus anything we tell them, which means I’m going to start giving my voice a rest! In any case, let's keep these tips in mind and simply remember to treat the ones around us with love and kindness, so our kids will know to do the same.