The 6 Most Important Life Lessons Parents Can Teach Their Kids

There will be a day when our carefree toddlers — who currently fall and bump into things like it’s par for the course — face real challenges in their lives. They might struggle in school, be a target of bullying, find out they're not the best at their favorite sport and definitely get their hearts broken. I feel bad if my son starts crying when I make him go to bed at a reasonable hour — how am I going to handle the tough stuff?

Of course, the lowest points in our lives are the ones that actually help us grow the most. But when the time comes, I wonder what we can share with our kids to help soften the blows? You know, when life hands them many different sized-lemons.

Recently, I started reading the book "Becoming" by Michelle Obama. In it, she talks about the time when a boy hit her in the face in grade school. Her solid and steady mom told her, “That boy was scared and angry about things that had nothing to do with you. He’s dealing with a whole lot of problems of his own.”

Michelle adds, "According to my mother who would probably want some sort of live and let live slogan on her headstone, the key was never to let a bully’s insults or aggression get to you personally."

I’ll try to remember that next time I turn on the news. In the meantime, here is some other sound advice for when your kids experience rough patches, as well as some necessary pep talks to have with them from both moms and experts:

Don’t Try to Fix it

Therapist Donna Cordon Moss reminds me to listen. You don't always have to respond to your child, but it's important to just hear them. That’s the hardest thing in the world for us as humans— to not give advice and tell our kids all that we know, especially since we aren't the ones in their shoes. A mom in my area told me that she recently went to a parenting workshop about validating feelings. She says, “If a child says they’re upset, we immediately want to fix things or make them feel better. So instead, tell them how it must be tough when so and so happens. Acknowledge and validate their feelings first. This probably applies to all humans (and your partner too).

Health Issues

God forbid any of our children get seriously ill in their lifetime. My friend's daughter was diagnosed with epilepsy in the sixth grade. She started dozing off in school, and while teachers thought she was just tired or uninterested, her brain was actually having seizures. She then spent the next few months seeing doctors and trying different medications while being labeled as “epileptic” in schools. This is hard for anyone, let alone a child. But her mother offered her some great advice saying,“We all face different kinds of challenges. Mine was asthma and poor eyesight. Someone once told me if everyone put their challenges in the middle of a circle and had to pick one out, they’d pick their own because it’s the one they know.”

When They Fail

My toddler is so competitive even at 3! He says "I’m the fastest," and we race around the house all day. Of course, I let him win to avoid a crying fit, a typical pushover mommy move. What will happen when he runs up against the older kids in his grade and loses? Moss also explains that trying and failing is how we learn. She explains to her kids, “I’m proud you tried. You can always try again. Trying is the courageous part. When you’re ready, you can try again or not. It’s up to you. I love you either way.”

Stay in Your Lane

When CEO of Divamoms.com, author of "Motherhood Is A B#tch" and mom of three Lyss Stern's son became a theater kid who loved to sing, he was made fun of by another kid on the playground. She told him to always be true to himself and never let anyone else tell him who he should be. Then she asked, "Who do you think will be the first to contact you when you land a show?" A few months later, this boy landed a gig on Saturday Night Live and the mom was right — the bully was the first to call her boy! Moral of the story is to tell your kids to do what they love. There will always be jealous kids, so stay in your own lane and look ahead!

It Always Works Out How it Should

Spiritual teacher Yehoshua Kalev Sedam says, "Know that you're loved and whatever happens, we support you. Life has its ups and downs and as long as you keep your soul connection, that's the most important thing. Your soul connection is the deepest part of yourself — before cultural conditioning. No matter what you do, as long as you do it while maintaining your soul connection, it will work out well."

This Will Pass

Nothing in life stays the same. Not the flowers, not the clouds and not our lives. Nothing lasts forever and this difficult time will also pass. That's just how life works — change is constant and that's the one thing we know for sure.

There are so many more bits of advice we can share for every life challenge, but ultimately I am reminded that listening, validating their feelings and being there is most of what our kids need when they hurt. They are also more capable of handling their low points than we think, even though we might need to fall apart a little when they aren’t looking. Parenting through these tough times isn't easy, but we all eventually heal from the punches.