After-School Classes For Kids: How Many Are Too Many?

Everyone knows that there are plenty of great classes and activities to sign your kids up for these days: dance classes, violin lessons and soccer practices, to name a few. But when your child is only 3 years old, how much is too much when it comes to after-school programming?

This is a judgment-free zone, but my son is only enrolled in one gym class per week on a morning when he doesn’t have preschool. While I can admit that I was tempted to sign him up for more classes, I suddenly had a new hunch: Maybe less is more right now.

I have a friend who is both a nanny and an educator, and she secretly told me that the two kids she cares for take so many classes that they have trouble falling asleep at night. Why? Because they are so wired from all the activity by the end of the day! When I admitted that my child only takes one class (the rest of the time we basically just play in my living room), she said, "That’s all you need. Kids just want you!"

Now I know that not all moms and dads — especially full-time working parents — have the time to be playing with their kids all day, which is completely understandable. In a recent New York Times article, one father explained how classes give him peace of mind because he knows that his child is being enriched rather than watching TV or wrestling on the floor.

Other stay-at-home parents I know want to keep their families busy, and they need classes to add more substance to their days and keep frustration with their little ones at a minimum.

According to author and clinical psychologist Michael Thompson, the real issue is when over-achieving parents who like to be in control of their own lives take similar control over their children's lives. They end up impulsively choosing certain classes and activities rather than determining the real needs and interests of their children.

Dr. Michael J. Bradley, author of "Crazy-Stressed: Saving Today's Overwhelmed Teens With Love, Laughter, and the Science of Resilience," believes that unstructured playtime can be just as — if not more — beneficial for a child's brain development than structured activity is. Another one of his findings: It turns out boredom will not kill your child.

"Studies also show therapeutic value of boredom itself, something many parents see as deadly for their kids," says Bradley. "Boredom provides the genesis energy of creative thought, action and self-stimulation. Excessive amounts of structured activities promote a resilience-killing expectation in children that throughout life they will be extrinsically entertained 24/7."

In other words, you can go ahead and cancel that toddler gym membership, if it's not working for you and your child!

If you're wondering how much is too much when it comes to classes, Bradley says to consider these points:

• Create time balance. Set the child's schedule to allow equal hours of solitary, group and parental/caregiver time.
• Choose group programs that promote peer interaction, creativity, negotiation and planning (group free play vs. skill lessons).
• Avoid competition and activities that foster contests with individual winners and awards. Toddlers are too fragile to handle the emotions of deselection. Individual competition is healthy only for older kids.
• As the child ages, look more toward specific skill-building activities which build the key life resilience elements of competence and confidence; however, never forget to monitor that smile quotient. Once that smile disappears, the resilience-building love of a "passion" becomes the exhausting weariness of a "business."

Personally, I don't always enjoy the routine of bringing my son to the same place week after week, though that may sound a bit selfish. Plus, at $25 to $30 per class, the costs really do add up. These days, my son is happy just picking up sticks and waving them around at a park. And I'm pretty happy toting him along to Trader Joe's and eating snacks in the aisles together, which is basically the same as taking a food-related class, right?

All joking aside, while I do love a good toddler class and seeing my son entertained by others, I'm also aware that it's not necessarily fundamental for his development. Whether he's learning to tumble-salt, eat animal crackers in a food cart or just pretend he's a green monster in our living room, I have a feeling that we are going to thrive.

Image Credit: Shutterstock