How To Be The Best Version Of Yourself As A Parent

My mother recently told me I was a much better mom compared to how she raised me. This was surprising to hear, since my mother doesn't give compliments easily. She said that she wasn’t as patient with me as a child and didn’t give me nearly as much attention as I do my son.

Of course, she sometimes thinks I give my boy too much attention, but that's another story. In her case, she was getting bored and overwhelmed being a mom on the playground and was happy to head back to work after a year. That's no surprise, though, since I wasn’t an easy child (or adult child).

I told her that parenting was like a meditation to me. I try to be completely present and mentally still through both the chill moments and the tough ones. She’s right, though — it can be boring and dull at times. And of course, I don't always succeed. But when I do, it makes parenting feel pretty magical.

I recently met another mom named Jamie Rosenberger on the playground who had a similar approach to parenting and is even planning to become a mindful coach to moms when her baby and toddler get a little older.

She says, “My mission is about helping parents be the best versions of themselves to their children. We all know how easy it is to become reactive and frustrated with young children, and I want to give parents tools to help manage themselves and keep the frustration to a minimum.”

I'm sure many of us get frustrated or see other moms lose their patience each day — especially, on mornings like today when your 4-year-old is set on putting his underwear on backward. Oh, and then he asks you to make him eggs and pancakes but then says, "No thank you" after you cook them for him. At least he's polite? Plus, this is only day No. 1 of 11 days when your husband is away on a work trip.

Now, back to being meditative. What is it about meditation that can help us be better parents?

Rosenberger explains, "When we meditate, the intention is to hold a neutral mind and observe our thoughts and to be the witness to our thoughts without judgment and ultimately disassociate from our thoughts to exist in a state of our highest consciousness. If we can apply the same practice to parenting, it not only helps us to keep our calm but also disassociate from our thoughts and let everything just be. Does it really matter if you are late for preschool or a play date? Or go outside in the cold without a coat? Or wear two different shoes? Could we just let many of these situations play out without stress or conflict? The 'without judgment' part is very important, because the conversations we have with ourselves internally will repeat outwardly with our children."

Does it really matter that my boy doesn't want to eat breakfast this morning or is less comfortable in his pants? I am just going to let it go.

Rosenberger says that children are more likely to respond to how you are acting and what you are doing rather than what you say. She says, "By managing your own frustration, you will not only be happier and calmer, but you will also be able to serve as the model that you want your children to emulate. This has the added bonus of breaking the cycle of high-intensity situations, which leads to less of those times that you just want to scream (and it's OK if you have to scream sometimes!)."

An hour later, my boy is clinging onto my back and trying to jump onto my head while singing songs he just made up — all while I'm trying to put clothing on him so we can finally get out of the house. Instead of getting mad, I smile and let him have his fun and even sing along with him. I eventually coaxed him into getting his socks and jacket on by telling him we're off to adventure: visiting our storage unit. It works. I stay calm through it all and focus on my breath and the moment.

Rosenberger says, "Mindful parenting also gives us the opportunity to learn and evolve as individuals. It's so easy to say to yourself, 'This situation would be so much easier if only my child would ... xyz,' but really it's an opportunity for us as parents to learn from them — learn to be more playful, learn to be more curious, learn to be more patient, learn to be more compassionate, and learn to manage our own emotions through challenging times."

What can parents do to get into this meditative parenting zone? Rosenberg offers these tips:

Breathe
When you feel the tension building, stop and take a few deep breaths — it really works.

Reflect
After reactive moments, reflect without judgment. What set you off? Could you have responded differently? Why did this behavior set you off? Is this a pattern?

Plan
Think about how you would like to respond to these situations. Do that. And if you don't, it's OK — there will be another chance.

Be Kind to Yourself
We are all doing the best we can every single day, and we will all be OK. Talk to yourself the way you want to talk to those you love the most.

I also watch my thoughts and feelings, and I find a little space between them and my calmer self. I'm content accepting a life as a mom, even when it can be crazy and mad at times. Now, please excuse me, I'm going to take my boy out to the storage unit and then to our farmers market to get some breakfast. Enjoy the day and whatever it brings!

Other Parenting News:

• 5 Ways Parents Would Raise Their Kids Differently
• How To Foster Your Child's Passions In A Healthy Manner
• How To Keep The Whole Family Sane This Winter Break