How To Ease Your Child's Anxiety About Starting A New School

The other day, we received a letter in the mail with a welcome application for kindergarten in our public school. When I mentioned this to my 4-year-old, he got so upset that he made me take the letter outside the apartment. “I never want to see that letter again or leave Judy’s class,” he said and stomped his feet. He might have just a little anxiety about starting a new school next year.

It must be tough for any child to start a new school. They might feel unsafe heading into a new environment with new friends, a new teacher and new activities. The fear of the unknown is hard for anyone.

Children might even pick up on a parent's fears and emotions, too. Kindergarten is less about freedom and unstructured play, and more about pushing a curriculum. So you might say I'm nervous, too, which means Mr. Haagen-Dazs has become my new best friend.

I checked in with some moms and experts about how to ease the transition for children — and parents — to a new school, and they shared some good advice:

Chat About Everything

Mom Fiona says, "I used to be a kindergarten teacher and found the things children are most worried about are often things grown-ups don’t think about, like knowing where the bathroom is, what would happen if [they] had an accident or were sick, how they will find their things, which adults can help them, what the expectations are, what recess entails, etc. It really helps to have lots of chats and read books about starting school with relatable characters."

Meet Future Buddies

Mom Keren makes sure to get the class list over the summer before the school year begins. "Try to have some play dates in advance of the start of school with a future classmate," she says. Also, remind them that some of their current buddies will be in their class, too. Our town has a summer camp, which parents suggest you enroll in so your child can meet their soon-to-be classmates.

Catch it Early

Mom Julie finds that the best way to ease anxiety before a new school or new grade is by beginning the transition process the year before. She says, "My children start to get nervous as the end approaches, already anticipating the unknown ahead. So we make a plan to go and visit as the school year is closing, seeing the classrooms and meeting the teachers when we can before summer break begins. If I can catch the anxiety early, and plant some seeds of connection, familiarity and excitement, then we can look forward to the new year with more comfort and healthy anticipation."

Books and Shows

Read your child books and have them watch shows that get them comfortable with starting a new school. Mom Lorraine says many good shows and books are out there. "We found these to start: 'Llama Llama Misses Mama,' 'The Pigeon Has to Go to School!', 'Kindergarten, Here I Come!', 'Clifford Goes to Kindergarten.' Also, if your kid can handle longer stories, I think the 'Ramona' series starts in kindergarten, and so do other great classics like that," she says.

Calm Your Own Nerves

Jackie says, "I believe that a lot of anxiety we see in our kids is actually them picking up on ours and mirroring that. So I'd start with trying to calm your own nerves and talk about how exciting it will be to have so many new friends, new things to learn, field trips, etc." I'll have to work on this one!

Play and Visit

Mom Barbara played at the school playground all summer and organized a few meetups with other rising kindergartners. She says, "As soon as they released the class list, we organized a class play date at a nearby park."

It also helps to visit your new school together — maybe even a couple times — until everyone is comfortable.

Therapist Dan Fellows, who treats kids with anxiety — alongside his wife, Ashley, at their practice called Hudson LCSW Group in White Plains, New York — adds, "Going to a new school is scary! Think about the first day at a new job. Allow any feelings you have. It's OK to feel nervous or sad about your child’s transition. They are growing up, and there is a piece of you that may be grieving the preschool/toddler years. You may also be really excited about your child’s new adventure. Be in the moment and accept your feelings whatever they are."

Starting a new school might seem daunting for your child — and for parents. But if you find the right school environment for your little ones, everyone should be calmer and happy. Until then, feel those feelings, and stay away from the ice cream!

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