How To Foster Your Child's Passions In A Healthy Manner

My child is only 4, but oftentimes my mind wanders forward, imagining what he will be when he grows up. Whatever he does, I want him to follow his unique passions and interests, which will hopefully lead him to create a happy life.

But how do you help your young children foster their hobbies and interests without forcing something down their throats? I’m sure there are countless parents barking at their resistant children to practice the piano or study Spanish at this very moment.

Mom Jenny says, "I was forced into piano for 13 years because I was very talented. I left for college at 18 and never touched it again. I am still a little angry at my parents for this 'coerced interest' and wish I had that time back to learn something I would actually like to do. I think that there is too much emphasis on pushing children into activities and sports and not nearly enough in letting them be free to explore, make connections, foster independence, be bored and daydream. We should give our children more respect and allow them greater freedom to find and explore passions on their own terms."

This is a great point. I love giving my child free time at home; but after about 45 minutes of playing, drawing and throwing his toys around the apartment, he needs some help!

Child therapist Dan Fellows says, "Of course, this is easier said than done. However, try to follow your child's lead. They are likely displaying interests at home that they might want to further explore. Parents need to consider their child's interests prior to thinking about their own. It's great to expose kids to the things you are interested in, and it's very possible they will like it, too! But your child is their own person, and everyone will be happier if that is acknowledged."

However, it does seem clear that my boy shares my love of Broadway. We sing and dance to "Lion King" together, and we might have to take some musical theater classes together next year. But Fellows is right — and, well, this is not about my interests.

According to Fellows, the best way to know if your child's interests are legitimate is to ask yourself, "Is your child talking about the activity? Are they practicing or doing it at home by themselves? Or are they just going through motions because that is what you scheduled for them?"

He adds, "It is normal for a child to show some resistance for an activity; but if that resistance is consistent and you have ruled out other factors (i.e., separation or social anxiety, health issues, etc.), you might want to think about walking away from that hobby."

I checked in with some moms, too, about how they foster their kids' passions, and here is what they said:

Get Unstructured

Mom Stevie recommends you give your child loads of free time and unstructured time. "Allow your child to fill their time however they wish, whether it's daydreaming, exploring, trying new things or watching others try new things. I think the more free time a kid has, the more opportunity they have to find and pursue things they can be passionate about."

Introduce with No Pressure

Mom Teri says, "We introduced things with no pressure and followed their lead with positive praise and more opportunities. For example, our girl loves drawing and painting, so art enrichments at school and museum trips are great. Our boy loves making things, so lots of homemade science kits and summer camps in science and exploring (another passion) and, of course, museum trips! We also watch movies and documentaries on these subjects and point out, in casual conversation, ideas, elements and role models in those fields."

Be a Role Model

Mom Rene says, "I think it helps to have adults in their life that follow their own passions and prioritize passion. Joy is contagious. When my kids were younger, I'd tell them how important my writing is to me and all the joy of finding a passion. Instead of focusing on grades or status, I focused on what excited them and felt magical. All have found and developed great passions as teens and young adults. A good way to discover passion is also to volunteer and get out in the world."

Send Them Outside

Mom Jenny says, "Ask them if they want to do extracurriculars, let them quit, support their interests, do not over-schedule (even under-schedule) their time, encourage neighbors to do the same so that there are other kids available without scheduling. Go on library trips to help them learn about new things, and sending them outside for an hour with nothing but a stick or a shovel."

The beauty of childhood is that there are plenty of fun times ahead to explore one's interests and passions. And if they line up with your own passions and you find yourself singing and dancing to Broadway tunes together in your living room, great! Either way, enjoy this time of self-discovery, and may it lead your child exactly where they want to be one day.

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