How To Tame Your Child's Toy Addiction

A week ago, my 4-year-old woke up almost every morning hysterically crying for a new toy. Oh no, what have I done? Our latest splurges on toys at gift shops and outings in town have created a mini-monster!

My son also had a meltdown as we entered the Children’s Museum a few weeks ago because he was cranky after being woken up from a nap. We walked passed one of the “play-areas,” which was a gift shop in disguise, and it was all over. My mother-in-law, who was with us, gave me a bit of a stink eye when I caved in and bought him some animal magnets so he (and we) could calm down. I know it was a rookie mom mistake, but I was desperate for a little relief.

On a recent summer trip to Fire Island, our boy discovered the toy store on the island and every day he found his way there. Well, maybe we helped lead him just a bit — we wanted to enjoy our vacation!

When I told my mother about my son’s new “passion for toys,” and mainly in the form of cheetah figures, I wasn’t surprised to hear her blame me. “No one has as many toys as you have at home. You spoiled him,” she said. She’s right. Our two-bedroom apartment looks more like a toy store than a home at times. (In my defense, they are mostly second-hand and they keep our boy entertained too.)

We are not a materialistic family either, so I’m a little concerned with this new toy obsession that I might have created. I know I need to just say "no" at times and allow the screams and cries — and maybe buy some earplugs instead of more toys.

To get me on the right track, I checked in with some other moms for advice and here are some tips that I’ll be trying ASAP:

Make Them Earn It
Mom Kate Wehr says that she has a grade-schooler who will push to buy all sorts of toys if she gives an inch. “One thing that works for us is giving our kids more chances to earn spending money. Other than birthdays, tooth losses and holidays, I rarely remember having my own money at that age. So we emphasize finding them opportunities to earn their own cash. The demands for toys shrink a lot more when you challenge them to put their own money in.”

Stay Strong
Emily Farmer Popek reminds me that I just have to be resilient and accept their distress and discomfort. “It's uncomfortable to experience my child being unhappy or upset, but if they're not in danger (emotionally or physically) then sometimes there aren't any shortcuts.”

Talk It Through
Popek says I also need to remind my boy that he will eventually get a new toy. She says, “Ask him to truly consider if the toys he has are no good. I will often gently ask my kids if they are done with the toys they have and would be ready to let go of them (not in a threatening or menacing way). Sometimes this sparks reflection that they do, in fact, like the toys they already have. Sometimes it helps us declutter!”

But On Special Occasions Only
I’m not sure I have this in me, but Kerry Egan tells me that her mom gave her this advice when her oldest was a baby: Only buy toys for your kids at Christmas and birthdays. “Make it clear to the kids as they grow that we don't buy toys at random times when we go to the grocery store, Target, Walgreens, etc., and never waver from it. It was easy to do because we were broke when my kids were little. They only got new toys twice a year, and they never had tantrums or meltdowns about it, because that was just the way it was.”

Put Toys Into Rotation
Many moms put away toys for a while and then bring them out and they feel like new again. Linnea G. Convington says, “We put toys away and pull them out again and this seems to help!”

Set Expectations
Before you head into any store, make sure your child is clear on what will happen. “Set clear expectations whenever going to a store, mall, museum or any place that has things for sale. Explain, ‘We’re going to buy x only,' or, 'We are just looking,' or, 'You can bring $10 of your own money if you think you might want to buy something.'”

Get A Wishlist Going
You don’t have to wait for Santa to get a toy list going. Mother Jennifer Fliss says, “We add things she wants to her wishlist. It helps her feel like she’s getting something, kind of, though I’ve explained she won’t get everything on her wishlist. (She now wants to add everything she sees to her wishlist.)"

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