How To Teach Our Children About Racial Injustice

Moms everywhere are feeling shattered, grappling with the tragic and senseless killing of George Floyd (as well as Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor and countless more). This has also been a huge tipping point for those of us who are white and haven’t had to personally deal with these racial injustices. We want to know what we can do to learn more and how to help stop this insanity, now.

On countless forums and social media feeds, moms are also asking how they can teach their kids about race and give them the information and tools they need to help put an end to racism.

Mom Sarah says, "When I first started having these conversations with my kids, I think I felt like I needed to be able to package it up neatly for them in a way that would make them feel comfortable. But the truth is, we need to be uncomfortable about the lack of equality in this country, and we need to sit with that discomfort and consider all the ways it distorts our experience and the experiences of our non-white fellow citizens."

For those of us who are confused and don't know where to begin, Christopher Rogers, curriculum chair for Black Lives Matter At School, says, "Re-center. Immediately. It's less about what you can do for black families in this time, but understanding how the structure of society leads not only black families, but a majority of human beings around the globe toward premature death. It's derivative of the uneven division of life-sustaining resources and the guns, cages and documents that enforce that order. We can shape an alternative and there's a responsibility for you to join in that struggle. You are not alone by any means. We are the majority. Push through your confusion by reading the works of folks like Alex Vitale, Mariame Kaba, Angela Davis and Ruth Wilson Gilmore. Build it into a book club or neighborhood discussion group."

Motherly's editor-in-chief, Karell Roxas says, "Take those feelings and turn them into action. Start educating yourself on what it means to be anti-racist and see what steps you can start taking today to help dismantle systemic racism." Motherly recently published a guide for parents with 20 resources to check out.

If you have younger children, Rogers suggests you teach them the history of how race has been used to dehumanize. He says that Ibram Kendi's "Antiracist Baby" or Anastasia Higginbotham's "Not My Idea" may be a great text to start with, and to use these discussion points led by Howard Stevenson to guide the dialogue.

Roxas says that there's research proving that infants as young as 6 months old can nonverbally categorize people by race and that racial biases can start to develop around 3 to 5 years old. "The sooner you can start talking to your children about race consciousness and how to accept and honor each other's differences, the larger impact you can make on the future," she says.

If you have older children, Rogers recommends you supplement their education with histories of anti-racist struggle. I recommend engaging with the resources at Rethinking Schools or the Zinn Education Project. "Teaching for Black Lives" — a handbook that helps educators fight racism in classrooms — is discounted right now.

Here are some other tips shared by Rogers to help educate your children on this important and crucial topic:

For ages 3-6

• Raise race consciousness and actively diversify the media they consume if they are not exposed to black or brown people in their daily lives.
• Add these amazing children's books to your bookshelves.
• Pay special attention to the television shows and screen time they consume. Are there children on there who look different from them?
• Tell them how people come in all shades and beliefs, but that we should never make assumptions about what kind of person they are — whether they are "good" or "bad" — simply by just looking at someone.

For ages 6-12

• Continue reinforcing the messages you set the baseline for in their younger years.
• Be open to their questions on the topic as they grow and have more awareness about the history of racism.
• Be honest about what has happened in the past, but also underscore that you as a family are actively working together to make the future different.
• At this age, children might start expressing complicated feelings or start asking questions that you don't feel like you have the language to answer, so I encourage you to learn together. Do research together. Read books together.
• Catch your own biases. Modeling what you want your kids to act and believe in is the best way to teach them, even if you don't always find yourself having the "perfect" words.

For teenagers

• Your children may be independently consuming their own media and forming their own opinions on the state of the world. Encourage open dialogue by saying something like, "Hey, I know we might not agree on everything, but I really value your opinions and want to hear about them."
• Start diving more into the complexities of racism and why it is systemic. This is the phase of childhood that is preparing them for the complicated world of adulthood — and, as you know, most situations are rarely cut and dry. Talk about nuance. Explore it together.
• Ask open-ended questions about what they think or feel and focus conversations around how your teens can take action themselves. Introduce the concept of allyship.
• And most of all, just like with 10- or 12-year-olds, if you don't know the answer to something they bring up, try your best to learn about it together. Children turn to their parents for answers, but it is also OK to admit when you have your own learning you need to do.
• Teenagers, especially, will value this vulnerability because they are constantly having to navigate this balance of knowing and learning in their daily lives. Create a safe space for your teens to ask their questions. Admit that these are hard conversations to have, even as an adult.

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