Keeping The Peace With Family During Coronavirus Isolation

Hunkering down and staying inside with our families amid the new coronavirus crisis has the potential to be a beautiful thing. We finally have nowhere to go and have that unlimited quality time with our family that we've always craved.

That being said, it’s also inevitable that we will struggle to get along and get on each other's nerves — especially if you live in a two-bedroom apartment with a 4-year-old who refuses to go outside because he doesn't want to wash his hands.

On a recent phone call, my relative admitted that this lockdown is causing so much strain on her relationship with her husband that she's actually thinking about life alone once this pandemic ends.

Mom Sarah is also trying to get along with her partner, and she has turned to online therapy when they're struggling to keep the peace. She says, "We have been doing weekly online couples counseling for a few months, and it really makes us take a moment to check in — and it might be a good time for others to start."

As I type this, my husband is in the other room hiccuping so loudly that I'm getting annoyed. Other moms online are already complaining that having their kids home all day and in their space is driving them mad and interfering with their work.

We could all use a little help right about now. I turned to some friends for a little advice and discovered how moms and experts are finding ways to keep the peace with their kids and spouses throughout quarantined life:

Timeouts

Mom Jenni says, "We have a code phrase. If someone says, 'I need to calm down,' we tuck them into bed with cozy blankets, hand them some books, put on calm music and shut the door. No one is allowed to bother them. It's really only my 4-year-old who effectively uses this phrase, but it's really helping squash some sibling annoyances."

Afternoon Breaks

Mom Cindy says, "We have a lot of togetherness in the morning and early afternoon for school and lunch, then essentially do our own thing until dinner. It's taken our 3- and 6-year-olds a little time to get into the groove. We do play together sometimes during that time frame, but everyone enjoys their own afternoon of free play and work time for the adults."

Stay Patient and Understanding

A home-school mom of three in the area recommends that you validate and be available for your child to help express their feelings. "Don’t try to fix things for them — empathize and find a way to connect. Find solutions to problems (behavior/schedule conflicts) together by brainstorming and include them in that process," she says. "Practice connection instead of correction. Our children are doing the best they with the skills they have in their tool box."

She recommends you also visit the Generation Mindful site, which offers tips on mindfulness for families.

Stay Social With Others

"The main thing is to understand that this is a unique situation and it’s normal to get more annoyed or feel crowded," says relationships expert Andrea Syrtash. "Find daily practices for yourself, where you have your own space and time. Plan dates on the phone or video with others, so you remember both you and your family still have social connections!”

Ask for What You Need

Psychologist Dr. Emily W. King says, "My best advice at this point is direct and open communication with our spouse about what we need. Think of the love languages. Do you need acts of service or physical touch during this time of quarantine? Or do you need alone time? We need to ask for what fills our bucket."

Lower Expectations

When it comes to managing our kids, King suggests lowering our expectations. "We need to tag-team as best we can as partners to take care of children and also work from home. We need to lower expectations of ourselves and our kids, and just connect during this time at home," she says. "What we are being asked to do is not humanly possible. Working, parenting and teaching are three jobs that can't be done at the same time. It's not hard because you're doing it wrong — it's hard because it's too much. Do the best you can."

Be Kinder Now

Psychotherapist Meredith Darcy suggests that you and your spouse be extra kind and considerate toward one another during this difficult time. "In my practice, I notice that couples are fighting significantly more now than two weeks ago. Everyone is feeling stressed. So for couples, try to be on your best behavior with each other," Darcy says. "Be your best selves — like you would be on a date or at a social event. Try asking how each other is doing and take the time to really listen to the answer. Make your partner a cup of tea, or pour them a glass of their favorite wine. Give each other a parenting break and some down time to relax and regroup."

Stay Grateful

Each morning, list and remember everything you're grateful for in your partners. Marriage and family therapist Laura Richter says, "I'm asking people to talk about what they are grateful for, even in light of what's going on. And they're all saying the same thing — right now, they are grateful for family."

More Parenting News:

• How Parents Are Handling Coronavirus Fears
• How To Balance Working From Home With The Kids Around
• Teaching Children How To Handle Conflict