Parents, It's Time To Put Down The Smart Phone

By the end of each day, my mind is fried — and I have a slight hunch that it has something to do with the amount of time I spend on my cell phone. All day, I'm constantly grabbing it to check emails, scroll through Facebook and Instagram, type down a thought, read articles and text my mom friends (and my own mom). If 15 minutes has gone by and I haven't checked my phone, I pull it out and the cycle begins yet again.

My husband, who isn’t as much of an addict, suggested I check to see my average usage on my phone by clicking its settings, and honestly I was a little shocked and embarrassed. On average I spend about six hours a day on my phone. How is that even possible? My husband’s average was about two hours a day. Clearly, we don't have the same addiction.

Writer and mom Siobhan Adcock just wrote an interesting article called "Moms, Spend More Time On Your Phones. Seriously.” It explains that we shouldn’t judge moms for being on their phones. We are after all doing our best to juggle just about everything: our family's schedules, work, grocery shopping, etc.

She writes, "Most of the time (including right this second), you have life-or-death stuff to pay attention to, and you want to pretend — just for a minute or two — that you have nothing better to do than look at pictures of other people’s vacations. Your male partner, if you have one, might be next to you. He’s on his phone too. The difference is, nobody's judging him for it."

I agree with Adcock that we shouldn't judge other moms looking at their phones, but I guess I'm judging myself here. Or maybe I just want to feel less dependent on my phone, because this doesn't feel right.

I’m actually typing some notes in my phone now, five minutes before a yoga class, writing all my to-dos for the day and doing that last-minute email check. After an hour and a half of blissful stretching and meditation, I will dash back to my bag and check my phone. Doesn't this defeat the purpose of creating a relaxing state of mind through yoga?

On one hand, I’m thankful my phone helps me stay connected all day so I can get things done and not always feel so isolated, especially while at a playground. On the other hand, this 24/7 connectedness actually can disconnect me from humans — especially my child.

Maybe the solution is easy: cut down on how often I use my phone or leave it at home before I go out. Easy, right? Well, not quite. Other moms tell me they plan on going back to flip-phones, but I just don't think I can go back in time.

Mom Lizzie has a similar struggle. She says, "I hate it! For me, I feel like diving into my phone helps distract me from my anxiety (this is what I tell myself anyway). I try to impose boundaries, but nothing has really stuck."

Another mom, Ramsey, had an interesting solution. She says, "I can't really get rid of my phone, but I periodically do a 'phone cleanse' where I just delete all of my social media apps. I find my usage creeps up over time, so going cold-turkey for a week or two helps me reset my brain."

Life Coach Christine O'Neill thinks the cell phone issue isn't a mom issue but a world issue. She says, "Look up and around in any moment and see how many people are looking at their phones. At the park, on the subway, even at dinner."

O'Neill offers these tips for unplugging more and finding some peace of mind:

Become Aware

Creating greater awareness is the first step to any meaningful change. If you’re feeling like you’re on your phone too often, begin to ask yourself some questions. Do I need to be looking at my phone right now, or is it a habit? Is what I’m doing in this moment more important than the people I’m with? What is the message I’m conveying to the people I’m with [e.g., my kids] in this moment when I’m on my phone?

Take Back Some Control

Set an intention for your day, either first thing in the morning or the night before. Block time off to work on specific projects, and do the same for time with your kids. When you are spending time with your family, intentionally decide to be present in that moment. That could mean leaving your phone in the other room, or setting an alarm for 30 or 60 minutes, during which you decide not to check your phone.

Reflect

Take a moment to reflect on the experience after that 30 or 60 minutes. Did you feel more present? Were you distracted? Did anything happen during that time where you needed to check your phone? See how you feel. How is your stress level?

Add Limits

Limit your social media intake to specific time slots, e.g. 30 minutes. Oftentimes we check because we’re bored, or out of habit, but don’t get any real value or joy from it. Limit your time and be conscious of how you feel when you do check it. Is it fun? Does it leave you feeling a little down or jealous? Do you feel nothing at all? What’s the value this is giving you?

A few days later, while finishing this piece, I took another glimpse at my phone settings and saw that I was down two hours below my average screen time. That’s positive! Of course, it was a Saturday and I had less to do and napped a big part of the day. But I’ll take the good news anyway and continue to make healthy progress on my smart phone behaviors!

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