Tidying Up: How To Declutter Our Lives As Parents

There’s a reason why Marie Kondo, author and star of the hit Netflix show "Tidying Up," has struck a nerve with us. And it’s not only because of her bubbly personality and calm demeanor — it's also because we all feel a bit suffocated by the “stuff” in our lives, especially as parents.

I say this as I scrunch my shirts and pants into balls with my hands and stuff them into my drawer (the only large-sized one that is mine). When I ask my husband if I can use part of his space, his response is usually something like, “You keep buying things, but you don’t throw anything away. Nothing will ever fit unless you get rid of things, and no you can’t use my drawers.”

Maybe he is right. I have always shoved my things into tight spaces or dark corners in my home. And the more my life was a mess, the more my closets and drawers became undone, too. Luckily, fate eventually matched me with an organized partner who is my own personal Marie Kondo.

When a child came into the picture, keeping my life and closets organized was a new challenge for me. When I was stressed and overwhelmed over figuring out how to keep a little human alive and happy, my “stuff” was everywhere. And instead of facing my feelings and fears, I would buy more and do more.

Kondo explains in her book that tidying up will transform your life, and putting your house in order positively affects all other aspects of your lives, including work and family. "To truly cherish the things that are important to you, you must first discard those that have outlived their purpose," Kondo writes.

In my case, those "things that are important to you" are a cute 3-year-old who acts like a teenager every third day and my grounded and extremely tidy musician husband. A lot of the other stuff I've been holding onto, then, might need to go.

Kondo mentions a saying, "A messy room equals a messy mind." In other words, when a room becomes decluttered, the result is more than just physical — it can be emotional too.

"If you can't feel relaxed in a clean and tidy room, try confronting your feeling of anxiety. It may shed light on what is really bothering you," she says. "When your room is clean and uncluttered, you have no choice but to examine your inner state. From the moment you start tidying, you will be compelled to reset your life. As a result, your life will start to change."

Tidying up is also essential as a parent because once you clean up all your stuff, you can more clearly see yourself becoming the mom or dad you want to be. With the mess, you're just lost. And feeling lost with a crazy toddler in tow is not fun for anyone!

However, there is one piece of advice that Kondo shares with everyone that I disagree with: She tells people to keep the things that spark joy in you. But for me, true joy can never come from anything outside of ourselves. It won't come from your job, your spouse and definitely not your things. You might feel happy after going shopping, but that good feeling won’t last and you will keep searching for the next high — until you have no room in your drawers.

I think the questions should be asked in reverse: Are you happy first? If not, find your bliss and then choose the things you want in your life. That is how we make the best decisions and choices in life as a parent or just as a human being. In fact, I’m going to go through my drawer now and get rid of a thing or twenty. Then, I’ll sit with myself, connect with that unburied joy, resist stealing some extra drawer space from my husband and thank him for all his help.