The Toddler Years: What To Expect In The 2s, 3s and 4s

Just about everyone I meet who has older kids looks at me and my little boy and says, "The time goes so fast —enjoy these years!" They are not wrong and although it seems like a cliched comment, I secretly like to hear the reminder every day.

My boy was just a snuggly mushy baby last time I made lunch, and now he’s starting a 3s program in preschool. He’s getting taller each month, knows most of the words to the "Yellow Submarine" and chats with me all day like an old lady over coffee. I love it.

I waited until I was 38 years old to have a child, and this is the most fun and meaningful time of my life. Of course, I’m also exhausted and can barely find the time to brush my teeth. But before I know it, this time will be over.

The other day I was looking at the three different doors at my boy's preschool, imagining the kids playing and discovering behind them. I thought about how much every child must have changed dramatically in the span of months — and how different and more developed my kid is at 3 years old versus 2. (Of course, he is also a master nose-picker, so two steps forward one step back, there.)

Every child is different and there really isn’t a one-size-fits-all toddler playbook when it comes to emotional and physical growth. However, if you know some of what to expect in your child's 2s, 3s and 4s, you might be able to appreciate this time even more — as well as cope with the challenges that accompany each toddler phase.

---

What to encourage?

According to Marianne M. Szymanski, child play expert and founder of Toy Tips, "Children at this age are just learning what sharing means. At this age, it is most important to stress social interactions that allow children to feel a sense of accomplishment and pride from giving to others. It's hard though ... they still like to consider things as 'mine.'”

Szymanski stresses the importance of encouraging friendship during this stage of their little lives.

My kid meets someone for two minutes and says he’s his best friend, even if he doesn't know his name. It's a beautiful thing. If only adults were that open and trusting!

---

What To Expect From 2-Year-Olds

Some people call this stage the "terrible twos," yet I found my toddler to be less demanding and more easy-going at this age. Yes, we had our moments, but in my overall experience the age of 2 was delightful and sweet.

Kids at this age tend to become more inquisitive. “With an insatiable appetite for learning and so much to learn about in a very complex world it’s no wonder that the 'why's' keep coming up,” according to the book, "What To Expect — The Toddler Years." Of course, they love the attention they get when we answer them and feel proud after they get an answer.

At the same time, 2-year-olds can start to sound like spoiled teenagers, as by now they’ve discovered how to whine. They might be frustrated or need attention for a very valid reason. Maybe they are hungry or tired — I can get moody too if I don’t have a snack every two hours myself! Instead of snapping, try making a game out of practicing using your “regular voices” together, suggests the book.

According to early childhood psychologist Rebecca Schrag Hershberg and author of "The Tantrum Survival Guide," these irrational blowups are common and normal. She says, "As babies grow into toddlers and preschoolers, their higher brains develop further, but the neural circuitry that connects the lower and higher areas of the brain — the pathways between them — remain inefficient. This means that emotional reactions can't always 'talk to' or be soothed by rational thought.” In other words, don't expect your toddler's tantrums to follow logic and reason.

---

What To Expect From 3-Year-Olds

The world of 3s is magical. "In September when the children enter my classroom they are flowers in a garden beginning to bloom. Each one is unique in color and design," says preschool teacher Irene Balint-Wemer. "At an individual pace, their language becomes enriched, they learn that they have a voice and they begin to make individual choices. They learn how to resolve conflicts and that all feelings are ok but need to be expressed in a healthy way."

By 3 years old, your child might be speaking in full paragraphs and seem more engaged and aware of everything. They just seem to get it all!

"They also learn that making mistakes is a part of life," explains Balint-Wemer. "They learn to cooperate, make friends and be a friend. They learn about diversity and celebrate their own individuality while learning to respect themselves, others and the world they live in. More importantly, their petals open up and they learn that 'they are special because they are!'"

By three, most kids are potty trained. Many preschools and daycares won’t even change diapers anymore by 3 years old, so it's important to get a move on that potty training.

Note: We are a little late — my boy has no interest in the potty. In fact, when I was reading him a potty book the other night, he actually peed on the floor right through his diaper. And I won't even tell you what landed on our couch the other night when we kept him diaperless for an hour. But I’m going to push this more when he’s ready and turns 3 in November.

---

What To Expect From 4-Year-Olds

"First and foremost, the fours love their friends, and though they still love their teachers, their preference is their peers," says Judith McQuistion, preschool teacher to 4-year-olds. "They also love to make up the rules of play and will spend a great deal of time negotiating them before they begin. Just spend a little time with them in the housekeeping area and listen to them plan their roles."

"They are very proud of their independence and, when confident, will proudly do what they can without your help, continues McQuistion. "Additionally, they share lots about their home life. When discussing the meaning of red traffic lights, one of my children told me that her father didn't stop for them."

---

Time flies when you’re having fun— and when you're going a little mental from hanging with a toddler all day. Take in all the good and tough moments. And I repeat: Enjoy the time before it passes you by!

---

Photo: Shutterstock