Why More Parents Are 'Red-Shirting' Their Preschoolers These Days

While many parents will celebrate their child’s preschool graduation this upcoming June, some might wonder if their child is ready for kindergarten.

"Red-shirting," a term describing when parents hold their child back a year in school, has become a common practice, especially among middle- and upper-middle-class families. It can benefit children who were born later in the school year, giving them time to catch up emotionally or physically.

Our son was born in early November, and while he’s mostly doing well in preschool now, he might gain more confidence in the long run if he's the oldest kid instead of the youngest. Plus, with early education becoming more rigorous these days, it might be nice to give him another year to be a kid and play.

Every state has its own cutoff date for when kids can start school, and it can get a bit confusing. In New York, the cutoff date is Dec. 31, the latest in the country. In other states, such as Florida, if you’re not 5 by Sept. 1, you have to wait a year to start kindergarten.

In many cases, it's hard to tell whether your child needs the extra year to do well in the years ahead, and parents seem to have differing opinions about whether red-shirting is necessary.

I’ve asked other parents with kids born on the cusp of our cutoff date about how they are handling this big decision. Here’s what they said:

Extra Time Helps

Mom Megan doesn’t like the term red-shirting but does like the idea of giving a child some extra time in preschool if they can benefit from it. Her daughter has a November birthday, and Megan decided to keep her back because she is shy and is overpowered by her sibling at times. “Being one of the older students gave her a chance to be a leader in her school, and she went into kindergarten more confident and strong.”

Avoiding Boredom

Mom Lane made a different decision. Her child turned 5 the week before school started, and she could have held him back. However, he already was reading and writing, and she thought he might be bored with another year in preschool, so she had him start kindergarten. However, she says, “Socially, I think it was worse for him, and I do wish we'd given him one more year to be a baby for that reason. But his pediatrician agreed that it was the right move intellectually, and I do still agree with that.”

Sign of Privilege

Mom Shana says she thinks red-shirting is a privilege and that most parents who take advantage of it probably don't need it. “Kids from low-income families can't afford the gift of time; and when so many kids are held back, it raises the stakes for those who start on time," she says. "There are kids who do really need an extra year, but so many kids who are held back would have been fine starting on time. I also think way too many parents are doing it for the wrong reasons.”

Recommended For Most Kids

Mom Hannah is a former teacher and a current educational advocate. She says, “I highly recommend waiting another year for most kids. It isn't about academics or intelligence — just about social and emotional development. And most school systems have September birthday cutoffs now for that very reason.”

The majority of moms who held their kids back say it was the best decision they ever made. A mom recently posted on a forum that she didn’t know a single person who ever regretted red-shirting their kindergartners. They’d only heard regret from parents who sent their kids early when they could have waited.

Still, every kid is different, and red-shirting might not work for a certain child, or family. In the end, parents need to go with their gut on this. Licensed psychologist Dr. Emily King says there are five things to think about when trying to decide if your child needs an extra year of preschool:

1. Prior experience: Has your child attended a half-day or full-day preschool program before? How did it go? Reach out to teachers for their opinion on the transition to kindergarten. Preschool teachers are your eyes when it comes to your child following a routine in a group, playing in a group and transitioning throughout a preschool day.

2. Social-emotional development: Can your child take turns with toys? Can they handle a setback when others won't share with them? Does your child ask for help when needed? Does your child have difficulty separating from you at drop-off? These are all skills to have mastered or be close to mastering when entering kindergarten.

3. Sensory experiences: Many children have sensory differences that can make a large kindergarten classroom or elementary school overwhelming to them. How do they respond to fire drills? Toilets flushing? Lunchroom noise? Sometimes children need more time to develop, or to see an occupational therapist, if sensory sensitivities are interfering with their ability to pay attention and feel safe at school.

4. Attention span: Children's attention spans increase as they grow. Talk to your child's preschool teacher about their attention span during circle time, group play time, snack and lunchtime and independent work time. They will need stamina to last an entire school day.

5. Early learning skills: This one is actually the least crucial, even though most parents think it's the most crucial. Is your child interested in learning letters and numbers? Do they recognize shapes, colors and signs for communication? Do they enjoy coloring? Children will learn all of these things and more during their kindergarten year. It's more important that they are "ready" to learn in regard to their prior experience, attention span, ability to follow a group plan and social-emotional regulation.

King adds, "There is no need to take an extra year in the hopes that your child will be bigger than peers later on for sports reasons (where the 'red-shirting' term came from, I believe). Kindergarten has become more academically rigorous and at times is not even developmentally appropriate for some 5-year-olds, which is why families consider this path."

Again, these are all other people's views and thoughts, which are always nice to hear. But ultimately, you know what's best for you and your child. Good luck, and we will see you in kindergarten — eventually!

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• Why Does My Young Child Resist Going To School?