Feel Less Worry and More Worthy

(This article has been updated as of Dec 4, 2020. Covid has now dramatically accelerated the already growing trend toward online wellness coaching and age group-specific guidance on healthy habits. To address these needs directly I have launched a comprehensive online program for Boomers like me with my longtime colleague and favorite healthy eating expert , Anne Moselle, R.D. Check it out here.)

We make it all so complicated. And the ego (simply your fragile, flawed beliefs about who you are and what defines and limits you; rather than the reality of your intrinsic boundless worth) loves that. Complication is where your ego thrives. We’re fascinated by complication, yet overwhelmed by it. We’re drawn to it while it makes us feel alienated. We use it to support our position while it muddies our understanding.

So let’s simplify.

Three things that will always make you feel good are: Serenity, Self-Care and Service.

Serenity – A calm, clear mind is the starting point for all three. You don’t need to worry about the long-term. Just rest your thought train for a moment. Whether it’s saying out loud “I’m grateful for…”, stop light meditation or listening intently to beautiful, relaxing music while focusing deeply on the connection you feel with it, you can find dozens of opportunities throughout the day to feel more serene. At least momentary surrender of judgement (fear, worry, condemnation, guilt) will provide some healing space so you feel more at peace. When that happens, heaviness is lifted and a sense of freedom and openness flows in. Then the quality of all your communications and interactions is raised substantially. And calm is contagious.

Self-Care – Very few of us get enough sleep, water or exercise. And our eating habits are often a rushed, jumbled, reactionary pattern with no clear framework or consistency, let alone a base level of adequate mixes of vitamins, minerals and fiber. Improving your relationship with all three is simpler than you might think, and well worth the commitment if you just want to have a more enjoyable and satisfying life. Drink a glass of water or a cup of tea first thing in the morning when you’re getting ready for work or other commitments. Leave social media and TV out after 9pm and read uplifting material in a quiet, comfortable setting, noticing how your body responds. If you get sleepy, lights out – no matter how early it is! Seek well regarded guidance for exercise and healthy eating. A fitness regimen and setting should make you feel welcome and well taken care of. Your nutrition template should be simple, sound and sustainable, and you should have a good sense of how to make it work for your lifestyle.

Service – I know, you already do so much for others! Maybe it’s your job, your kids or organizations with which you are involved. So for you, it’s not about doing more. In fact, it may be best (and more conducive with the other goals in this article) to scale back a bit, say “no” to some things. But whether you do or not, what may be missing is your sense of connection with the value received by the recipients of your service. Are you acting because that’s what’s expected or necessary? That’s fine, as long as you’re not carrying resentment about it. Think about how the person’s life is improved or easier because of what you do. It doesn’t matter whether or not they acknowledge or show appreciation. If that’s what you’re in it for, then it’s really a transaction, isn’t it? Then both parties should be aware of and agree to the terms up-front. True service is extending one’s essential good for the betterment of another. Even in a situation (work, relationship) where it’s not rewarded or reciprocated, it’s still a beautiful thing. If you can you focus on that you’ll remember who you are, what you deserve and then make whatever changes the situation calls for from a place of gracious acceptance and generosity of spirit. Giving without expectation is the gift to ourselves of freeing us from a sense of entitlement. And sometimes the best person to serve is you.

Now that the dust is settling on the holiday season, isn’t it time to think about how you want to feel year-round?

Dan Taylor, ACE, NASM-CPT, is owner and head trainer at Pleasanton-based Tri Valley Trainer. They provide personal training and small group fitness solutions at their studio and a premium, innovative, medically endorsed web-based group coaching wellness program for the over-fifty tribe.