The Weekly Trumpette: Bringing credibility to ALTERNATE FACTS AND FAKE NEWS

Unhappy with an uneventful week where he received little attention, a neglected Trump fired The FBI Director James Comey. Those near Trump watched as he raised his fists and jumped with glee noting the chaos surrounding the Comey firing. His personal security had to keep him from falling over several times while he screamed, danced and ranted at the welcome attention. “See,” a red-Faced Trump cried, “FOX, CNN, all the other cable networks, media outlets and major newspapers have me on page one. I am the man! They should know better than to ignore Donald Trump.”

Quietly, he told Attorney General Sessions that he really liked Comey and was sorry to use him to get needed attention. Confused staff joined Trump but cheered with him when they finally understood his motives for outing Comey.

In other news, Trump met with Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov at the Whitehouse. Tass’s Russian reporters recorded the meeting. The U.S. media was denied access. An unnamed source claimed the meeting had nothing to do with Russia or US relations but focused on what Vodka Levrov would recommend. Sergey, known for drinking 3 bottles of Vodka a day, liked Yamskaya. “I’ve tried them all,” claimed the Ambassador, “more than once, but Yamskaya knocks me down better than any of them.” He pulled out a large flask and the two of them finished it with cookies. A staggering Trump told a prostrated Levrov, “No question we will get along during my Presidency.”

On a final note, Sarah Sanders, Trump’s Deputy Press Secretary, was asked about sightings of Sean Spicer running naked through the woods near the White House. Sarah did confirm that Sean likes to jog early in the morning and may have forgotten to wear his clothes. “Few know that Sean is a health nut and starts each day with a smoothie.”

She further added that his hiding behind the bushes at a recent Press Conference concerning the FBI Director’s firing has weighed heavily on Sean’s conscience. He feels he may have failed the President and has also taken to self-flagellation as penance. However, she assured everyone that Spicer was fine and will be continuing his duties in the near future.

That’s all there is. Good night Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea!