The Weekly Trumpette: Bringing credibility to Alternate Facts and Fake News

THE WEEKLY TRUMPETE: bringing credibility to ALTERNATE FACTS AND FAKE NEWS:

In the year of our Lord, 5 June 2017

Marc J. Yacht

The eight independent special prosecutors investigating Trump, Sessions, Stone, Bannon, H. Clinton, Manafort, Flynn, and Pence secretly met for lunch to discuss progress and compare notes. Kenneth Starr presided. Democrats were furious that the investigators would meet secretly at a local sushi restaurant. Chief Investigator Mueller was overheard asking the restaurant proprietor if they could serve raw meat along with the sashimi!

Minority leader Chuck Schumer called for an immediate investigation of the investigators, a measure that gained traction among Republicans. Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell said it was a sad day for America when investigators would meet in a smoke-filled room to conspire against Republicans. We Republicans fully support Schumer’s concerns. Both leaders were photographed hugging and shaking hands possibly signifying the end of party animosities that date back to the FDR administration.

In other news Trump photobombed a Karsh studio portrait session by pushing Queen Elizabeth aside and sitting on the throne. A shocked Queen kept her composure and allowed The Donald to be photographed before continuing her session. She gave Donald a pleasant smile while confused security for both the President and the Queen dashed about not knowing who to protect.

Word has it that Melania’s refusal to hold hands with the Donald recently has resulted in Presidential Executive Order 66, requiring that she hold hands with him when he wants too. A distressed Trump was seen facing the mirror while listening to the Beatles sing, I want to hold your Hand. He repeatedly shouted, “I am the man, I am the man….!”

Finally, a distressed Spicer is said to have called the Vatican and demanded a meeting with the Pope. He claims the Donald did invite him on the trip but he mixed up the dates. The Pope being aware of Spicer being a good Catholic sympathized with his plight and will allow an audience with him in the near future. His Holiness did make one demand that Spicer clean up his press conferences by answering the press truthfully. A forlorn Spicer claimed to an assistant that his visit to the Pope would never occur.

That’s all there is! Say goodnight, Gracie (ans. Goodnight Gracie) GB and GA.