The Weekly Trumpette - bringing credibility to Alternate Facts and Fake News

THE WEEKLY TRUMPETTE – bringing credibility to Alternate Facts and Fake News: In the year of our Lord, 18 June 2017.

Marc Yacht

The Trump administration hunkered down ready to battle efforts to impeach the President. Trump was seen viewing “Inherit the Wind” to get a better feel for the courtroom. Although “The Donald” has great experience settling out of court with people he stiffed, he has little understanding of what actually goes on in a courtroom. Staff mention he watches old Perry Mason episodes that run round the clock in the Whitehouse theater and has surrounded himself with photographs of Clarence Darrow.

A special Whitehouse legal team put together by Pam Bondi feels confident that the charges brought against Trump will prove bogus. It should be noted that Trump’s dream-team have requested a twenty million dollar a month cash retainer - up front - to represent the President - all paid for by the U.S. Treasury. They will accept no checks or promises from Trump himself!

In other news, claims were made that Georgia U.S. House candidate Karen Handel said, “I do not support a living wage.” Supporters quickly called foul and blamed the liberal press for misquoting Handel. Her campaign manager stated that what she actually said was, ‘I do not want to live in a cage.’ He insisted the liberal, commie media correct their assertion and stop attacking the political hopeful. He described her as God fearing, Christian and a soccer mom. Handel was later pressed on this assertion and she said, “Of course, everyone should be able to eat, even children.” She went on to say that some of her best friends were poor and she always gave loose change to panhandlers.

In final news, Trump slammed the Senate investigative committee looking into his possible Russian connections. He also claimed it was ridiculous that he tried to influence fired FBI Director Comey. “I don’t like the Russians, it’s business. My sable coat factory in Moscow makes millions. Look, if it wasn’t for those crazy anti-fur people I would be happy to open a chain of Mink and Ermine stores in the U.S.” Trump then turned the subject to Comey. “The guy is 6’8; me influencing him – nonsense. He’s a girly- boy who goes crying to his mama. You really want somebody like that running the FBI?”

Comey was then asked to respond to Trump’s comments. “I’ll save it for the committee, but I can tell you this, Trump is just a lying empty hairdo!”