The Weekly TRUMPETTE: Your credible Alternate Facts source

May 1, 2017

XI Jinping, President of the People’s Republic of China supported President Trumps claim that N. Korea was once part of China. Furthermore, Chinese historians uncovered documents also backing China’s claim to South Korea, the Korean Island of Jeju and parts of Japan.

Jinping claimed that Chinese President, Sun Yat-sen lost Chinese Korea to later appointed Korean Chairman, Choe Yong-gon in a hotly contested 1912 Mahjong game. Tensions flared but war was averted due concerns of Japanese expansion. Japan had already successfully claimed Chinese and Russian territory. The Chinese President Xi says there is ample evidence that Choe Yong-gon cheated and they are now ready with Trumps blessing to reclaim what is theirs.

Satellite Photos show both Chinese and N. Korean military maneuvers at adjacent borders. President Jinping is very grateful to Trump for allowing this century old imbroglio to come to light.

In other news, the Democratic Investigative committee has uncovered evidence that a significant number of then Presidential candidate Trump’s staff approached Russian operatives offering to spy for Putin and assist in sabotaging Hillary’s campaign. Their offers were refused as Putin made it clear he had enough spies from Trump’s camp and couldn’t afford anymore.

However, the Russian agents accepted the applications with an understanding that should the need arise for more traitors, they would be considered. Several staffers were seen in local shops pawning Rolexes, diamond rings, and one Trump aide had his Mercedes repossessed.

As a final note, South Korean President Hwang Kyo-ahn was visibly upset and seen throwing valuable antique Korean Vases and other artifacts at staff when told that American ships sent to N. Korean waters ended up in Australia. Trump’s translator refused to translate Kyo-ahns remarks to Trump on the secure Presidential hotline. He claims in his years translating Korean to American Presidents, he had never experienced such a tirade of invectives including words he had never heard before. Trump did promise the S. Korean President he would make things right – bigly!

Admiral Richardson, Chief of Naval Operations, faced Trump’s ire. He wanted a full explanation as how an armada routed to N. Korea, could end up in Australia. The Red-faced Admiral explained that there was a newly appointed navigator on the Flagship and he had misread the co-ordinates. It was human error and would be corrected. “I hope immediately,” an angry Trump replied, “Or I’ll have you keelhauled!”

And, “That’s all there is!”