Patch Exclusive: Interview With Humboldt Park Gator

CHICAGO, IL — "I've been here; I've just been waiting for you all to find me," those were the haunting words Chance the Snapper, AKA the Humboldt Park gator, said when he sat down to have a heart-to-heart with Patch Thursday. The gator, who has been evading capture for days after being spotted in a lagoon in Humboldt Park, wore a casual flannel shirt, cargo pants, and a confident grin as he answered some hard-hitting questions.

LISA: My esteemed gator, alligator, crocodile, thanks for sitting down to answer these
questions while you deftly elude crews searching for you in the Humboldt Park lagoon.
Here are a few burning questions.

L: How old are you?

Humboldt Park Gator: I’m related to dinosaurs, so kinda old but not really.

L: Where did you come from?

HPG: I hail from parts unknown, as I am the mystical creature known as The Humboldt Park Gator

L: How did you end up in Chicago?

HPG: I’ve been here, I’ve just been waiting for you all to find me.

L: Why Humboldt Park?

HPG: In my opinion, it’s the nicest park in the city. It literally has
everything a gator needs; even a beach. I had a great time at the Puerto Rican Day Parade and I got to watch the fireworks on the 4 th while chilling in the water.

L: Are you looking forward to any of the upcoming events surrounding your arrival in the Windy City?

HPG: You better believe I am; I like to party. Gator themed White Claw drinks, Malort by the water, and I’m hoping to inspire Revolution Brewing or Lagunitas to create a Lagoon Lager. I even saw Benny the Bull the other day!

L: Cubs or Sox?

HPG: I’m more of a Chicago Dogs Baseball fan myself.

L: Thoughts on dibs?

HPG: Don't touch my dibs.

L: Favorite place to dine in Chicago and why? Specifically, are there any eateries you've
found that cater to an alligator's specific dietary needs.

HPG: We don’t have much of a special diet, but I’m trying to stay as far away from The Taste of Chicago as I can. They’re serving Gator this year and I’m not cool with eating my friends. If I have to pick a spot, I’d have to say Jimmy’s Red Hots over on Grand. They make a great Polish.

L: Best pizza place in Chicago?

HPG: I've enjoyed Piece pizza.

L: Are there others? Do you bring news from a far off swamp or something?

HPG: I’m riding solo just trying to enjoy the summer.

L: If someone lives in Wheaton, can they say they're from Chicago?

HPG: That's a big no.

L: What's your favorite thing about Chicago?

HPG: How being myself has brought all these different people together. Chicago is a beautiful city with great people and sometimes we don’t stop and take a look around and appreciate each other the way we should. But if you want a simpler answer, tavern style pizza, Italian beefs and hot dogs.

L: Where do you go at night?

HPG: I can't say; Alligator Bob is always looking for me.

L: What's your astrological sign?

HPG: Alligator emoji.

L: Thoughts on recreational marijuana bill being signed into law?

HPG: Gators love green and it makes for a good time.

L: If you were on Death Row, what would your last meal be?

HPG: A burger cooked by local Chicago comedian Cameron Little. He makes the best burgers.

L: What's the most disappointing thing about humans?

HPG: That they're trying to find me.

At that, the mythical Humboldt Park Gator stood up from his chair, shook my hand, and was gone, vanished like a 500-pound dove at a magic show.

At press time, the gator had still eluded those pursuing him for selfie opportunities or to, say, capture him or something.

A NOTE TO READERS: In the interest of full disclosure, and this may come as a shock, but the alligator who uses the @ParkGator Twitter was not interviewed for this piece. His agent, Jon Torres was. Torres, a Chicago-based standup comic created and runs the @ParkGator page.

He lives in Humboldt Park, right across the street from the park where the Humboldt Park gator is dwelling.

Read more:

• Chicago's Resident Gator Is On Social Media And It's Hilarious
• Alligator or Crocodile Spotted In Humboldt Park Lagoon

Want to know more about alligators? Check out this video: