4 Siblings' Adoptions Fill Howell Family's Christmas With Joy

HOWELL, NJ — When Yazzmine and Ahdina first came to live with Sonya Middleton in August 2017, she expected it to be another temporary foster placement.

Sonya Middleton had been fostering children since 2010 and had seen children come and go. She'd also suffered heartbreak, after her attempt to adopt a pair of brothers failed when the boys were sent to another family.

It was Ahdina who knew right away this was going to be different.

"A week after the girls came to stay with me, the youngest said, 'I know I'm staying here forever,' " Middleton said Tuesday. "How do you know? I asked her, and she said, 'I just know.' "

Tomorrow Ahdina, 8, Yazzmine, 15, and their brothers, Eric, 11, and Makhi, 3, will wake up to celebrate their second Christmas together. This one, however, is different, because they are a forever family now, after Middleton adopted the four siblings in November.

"I didn't think it would feel different, but it does," said Middleton, who has an adult daughter, Shaquasia, 28. "It's going to be a fun Christmas."

"There was desire in me a desire to have a bigger family," Middleton said, which is what led her to fostering children in the first place. The shift from foster mom to permanent family came because she saw a need to be filled. "There was a need for this family to stay together."

Middleton became licensed as a foster parent with the New Jersey Division of Child Protection and Permanency in 2010, following her divorce. Though the primary goal of foster placement is to reunite the children with their biological parents, there are times when that isn't a solution that's in the best interest of the children.

That's how Middleton had come to try to adopt the brothers. The failed adoption, which included a legal battle, crushed her. Shaquasia urged her to give fostering another chance.

"She's been my backbone," Sonya said.

Yazzmine and Ahdina arrived, and Middleton said they soon learned the girls' mother had had another baby, a 20-month-old boy who needed a placement.

"My daughter was like, say yes or I will," Middleton said with a laugh. In October 2017, Makhi joined the household. "He sealed the deal. He changed the whole atmosphere."

Eric was still in another home, however. The girls had regular sibling visits with Eric arranged through the kids' social workers. Soon the request came to bring him to join his sisters and the baby.

Shaquasia agreed. "We have to get him," she told Sonya.

"I have a small townhouse," Sonya Middleton said. But they made it work.

"My daughter said, 'I always asked you for siblings. I didn't know you were going to do it as an adult,' " Middleton said with a laugh. "We do what we have to do."

Shaquasia moved out into her own place to give the four children more space, but spends a lot of time with her siblings.

"She's fallen right into that role," Middleton said, even down to the sibling squabbling. And Middleton is loving every minute of it. "I just feel like I'm walking in my purpose."

The children have much-needed stability and a path to break the cycle that landed them in foster care, Middleton said; their mother grew up homeless, and was living in homelessness with the children.

The adoption also eliminates the constant outside visits — from social workers and lawyers and others with the foster system, along with the paperwork. There are still therapy visits but they are geared to helping the children as they continue to move forward to a happier life.

"They're really, really good kids," she said. The day of the adoption, as the kids settled in for the night, Middleton said Eric had a look on his face that she couldn't quite figure out.

"The two oldest don't show much emotion," she said. "So I asked him, 'What are you thinking about?' " His answer, "The day. I'm happy," the emotion apparent in her voice.

There are challenges.

"I got my SUV a couple of years ago," she said, because she liked sitting higher above the road than you do in a car. But it was a ton of space for one person.

"Now, I cannot go grocery shopping with all of them in the car, there's not enough space," she said with a laugh.

Laughter is a constant in the home now. "The belly laughs from the two youngest are the best. How can you not laugh?"

"I feel like I'm in my element," she said.

At the same time, she asks herself one question: "Why did I wait?"

"What you learn is there are so many kids who need someone," Middleton said. "They just want someone to pay attention. They're kids. They didn't ask to have crappy parents. All they want is love, food and safe shelter."

Middleton said anyone who's thinking about becoming a foster parent should consider it.

"Just go with your gut," she said. "Start out in respite," providing temporary relief for other foster parents. Or start out as a mentor.

"What you get back is so much more," Middleton said.

The changing placements of children in foster care is difficult; it's hard to not become too attached.

"It's your goal to keep them safe until they get where they are supposed to be," Middleton said. She admits she cried when the placement of children who were with her changed. "You have to remember why you're doing it."

Her family struggled with it the sense of attachment, particularly after the failed adoption of the two boys. They were slow to warm up to her four children now.

"My family didn't want to get attached and have them be taken away again," she said. It's hard to not get attached when you know the children's stories. But with the four children now permanently hers, Middleton has closed her home to fostering.

"It's a lot," with the four kids. It has inspired her daughter to seek licensing as a foster parent, in part out of a concern of what might happen if the biological mother of Middleton's brood has another child. Middleton says she's at max capacity now.

Middleton, who works for an obstetrician/gynecologists' office in Long Branch, also runs a business as a travel agent. The doctors' office has been very supportive of her as a working single mother.

"They haven't always known that I had foster kids," she said. "They've been great."

Middleton said her sister is a social worker, and the stories of what foster children face take a toll. "I tell her 'you can't bring all the kids home,' and she said, 'You did,' " Middleton said with a laugh.

Middleton, who changed back to her maiden name — "I had to go to court right before the adoption to get it done," she said, because the children were taking her maiden name — said that all of the legal paperwork, all of the effort and invasiveness of the process to get licensed as a foster mom, all of the home visits and sad goodbyes were worth it when she looks at the four who share her home forever now.

"I think we all make a great team," she said.

While they're not in Disney this year, she figures they will go back there soon as it's her favorite destination. She loves to travel and hopes to instill that love in the children as well.

"I can't imagine now not having them," she said. "We bring so much joy to each other's lives."

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