You're Still His Wife

Listen up, ladies. After you're a parent I know this a tough thing to remember, but it's imperative to the health of your squad. Remember: yes, you're their mother. But you're also his wife. Still. In fact, you were his before you were theirs.

Sometimes, we forget who we are. We lose ourselves in the hustle of every day life (it's not easy being the CEO of a household, raise tiny humans, work a 9-5er ((some of us)) and maintain some sort of sanity during it all) but somehow, we do it. And I bow down to each of you because being a mother in this day & age is no. freakin. joke. So, ladies: Brush aside the dirt, the crayon, the play-dough. Take your hair out of the top knot & put on some lipstick; you'll see. You're still there.

I'm not a psychologist, nor will I pretend to be. I will not go on about my marriage, I will not compare my marriage to yours, I won't do any of these things -- I will, however, let you in on a few details of my This Is Us; a few key points that keeps us afloat, even during the roughest of times. Some days are easier than others, but I will say this - marriage is not easy, but it should not be difficult. That sounds like a complete oxymoron, but I have a hunch that if you're married, you understand.

1. Laughter - "laughter is the sunshine in a home"

Life is hard enough; being an adult is no nonsense business (bills, responsibilities, kids, work... amiright? I get a headache just thinking about it) "Find someone who can make you laugh when all you want to do is cry" is an (extremely) dramatic quote I used to live by well in to my early twenties, but it landed me my man. And I'm grateful he can do just that. Laughter is priceless, it should not be taken for granted. Unfortunately, as many things in our life, we do take it for granted. Some even say "laughter is the best medicine"; think of how powerful that statement is. And, while it sounds simple enough, sometimes, even laughing is a bit of a challenge. During the laughter-challenging times, find him (you know who I'm talking about, your only him) and give him a hug - I know it sounds silly, but hugs make you feel all warm inside. Hugs can soothe even the toughest of pains. Consider this: have you ever laughed for a long time and thought to yourself - man, that felt good! That's your soul talking. Laughter is like giving your soul a great big hug from within. Find someone who lives to hug your soul. No matter what we're doing or what is happening around us, when he quotes any line James Franco says in Pineapple Express - I laugh. Find that. Live by that.

2. Dating- "marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person"

Remember that girl who used to spend two hours getting ready for a first date? Who picked out the perfect outfit, perfect accessories and carefully applied makeup? Who spent hours talking to your girlfriends about "him" (us millennials can remember stalking "him" on Myspace, Facebook AND Tinder - the many advances of technology only make it easier for our friends to judge "him") If you're like me, married seven years with two kids, you spend most of your days in jeans and tee shirts with basic make up and hair in a top knot. But, ladies, I can tell you we have a date night... I am that first-date girl again. Every single time. The outfit, the hair, the make up - I do it all. Of course, I don't have that luxury of spending two hours getting ready ("Mooooommy I want Mac & Cheese!" I hear from the kitchen as I'm curling my hair) however, I do apply make up fully and I do spend time picking out an outfit (I've been known to even go out and buy a new outfit for the occasion - try it, it's a wonderful feeling) Listen, my husband has seen me cry, puke, pass out, give birth - shouldn't that be all the more reason he deserves me looking my best? He's been through more with me than anyone else on the planet so if I can still make his jaw drop, even if it's just a little, it's worth my while.

3. Romance - "in a room full of people, my eyes will always search for you"

Often, I'm sure like many of you you, Nelson and I are roommates just passing each other in the hall. He grunts a greeting as he's hauling a Diaper Genie bag from the bathroom and I nod in response as I carry a basket of laundry. He's busy, I'm busy, everyone is busy. However, you should never be so busy that you forget. Never forget how you got here in the first place - those children were not delivered by the stork himself. No, they are in your life because of love; because you and him created them together. In the day to day, it is easy to forget that - I know that I often do. And it's nobody's fault, it's just how it is when you're in your thirties and have a house, two kids, a dog, a cat, trying to escalate your career, trying to start a new career... whatever your case is, we get it. Everyone understands; we're all there. But that doesn't mean you forget - it's imperative to the well-being of your husband, your children and yourself that you remember. Remember your first date, remember that trip you took to the islands, remember the late nights, the hand holding, the dinners, the surprises, the laughter... remember it all that brought you here. Romance is what started all of this in your life. There are reasons and I'm sure he reminds you of them every day. Don't neglect them because he forgot to take the trash out.

You have given birth to children. You are a puke cleaning, fort building, cookie baking, nose wiping, tag playing, story reading super hero. Never get so busy being their hero, you neglect yours. Whether he is your once upon a time Prince Charming or you call him Clark Kent, you're still his wife. There's a reason you chose him and he chose you. Sometimes, you have to dig deeper for that reason - but you'll find it. In between the chaos and joy, you'll find it.

Nothing bothers me more than when women say "who am I impressing?"; to that, I say - darlin, everyone. Because, girlfran, look in the mirror - you've still got it.

photo credit: Krissy Breece Photography