Cleveland St. Patrick's Day: 6 Things to Know

Saint Patrick's Day is nothing short of a tradition of epic proportions in Cleveland--and we certainly do mean epic. Each year, downtown Cleveland hosts more than 500,000 (yes, that's half a million) visitors clad head-to-toe in green for the annual Cleveland Saint Patrick's Day parade.

Along with the massive St. Paddy's Day crowds come the traffic headaches, as one might imagine. If you're coming to downtown Cleveland to bar hop on St. Patrick's Day and want to kick off your activities with the historic parade, you'll want to read on to make sure your day goes smoothly (unless you drink way too much green beer, that is).

1. First and foremost, you should know that the annual Cleveland Saint Patrick's Day Parade begins at 1:04 p.m., starts at the intersection of Superior and East 18th Street, and ends at East 3rd Street. Yeah, that seems obvious--but a good portion of the people who attend the Cleveland Saint Patrick's Day Parade start partying at the crack of dawn (kegs and eggs, anyone?) and can't even see straight by lunchtime. Which brings us to #2...
   
   
2. Eat something. In fact, eat all the things. There's a ton of great food in Cleveland any day of the week, but on Saint Patrick's Day, the streets are paved with corned beef from Ontario to Lakeside to the Detroit Shoreway (no, not really... but trust us, there's enough corned beef and cabbage to pave the streets and build life size Terminal Tower in Cleveland on Saint Patrick's Day). But seriously, if you're going to be clinking glasses with your fellow Irishmen (or pretend Irishmen, or Irishwomen... or anyone, really) all day long, be sure to intermittently shove a delicious reuben sandwich or some bangers from Moriarty's Pub down your gullet to punctuate the Irish car bombs. You'll thank us on Friday. Promise.
   
   
3. Don't actually kiss the people who are wearing "Kiss Me--I'm Irish!" shirts. You're going to be owning the day with these helpful tips. Don't ruin your erin-go-boss (see what we did there?) status by planting one without warning on some unsuspecting leprechaun just because their shirt seemed to invite you to lean in for a lucky smooch. You see, you don't even know if they're Irish anyway. It's not like they check DNA before they allow someone to buy one of those shirts. And if they're not really Irish, you're just being played. We don't want to see you get your heart broken on St. Paddy's Day, so just play it safe and keep your lips on your boxty (look, we made that a link so you can see what the heck a boxty is).
   
   
4. If you're going to use the phrase "slainte," you should know two things-- what it means, and perhaps even more importantly, how to say it. Seems like that word is everywhere on Saint Patrick's Day in Cleveland. You can hear people saying it whilst clinking glasses of Irish whiskey anywhere you go: "SLAY-NT! SLAY-N-TEE! SLEIGH-AHN-TAY!" What? Who? Huh? Yeah, none of those are right. Impress your friends, family members, and potential new romantic interests by saying it correctly: "sh-lahn-tuh." Even if you're not really Irish, the correct pronunciation of "slainte" is enough to convince just about anyone that you are. By the way, it's an Irish toast that means, "in good health."
   
   
5. If you called in sick to work to spend Saint Patrick's Day in Cleveland, you should probably not post a bunch of selfies of you and your friends draped in green, orange, and white beads showing off your four leaf clover-shaped sunglasses and light up leprechaun hat. If your boss sees it, well, we don't think it would end well. Unless your boss is Irish, of course--but then again, if that were the case, you would have had a company holiday and you wouldn't have had to use a sick day. Yeah, it's best to save those selfies.
   
   
6. OMG, the RTA is your BFF. The Rapid on Saint Patrick's Day in Cleveland is almost as iconic as the holiday itself. After all, parking downtown on Saint Patrick's Day is about as fun as having your wisdom teeth extracted. You can meet new friends there and discuss how excited you are to show off your Irish step dancing skills at PJ McIntyre's. You can ride all day on the RTA Rapid for five bucks, and it's way better than shelling out a ton for prime Uber rates or getting a DUI because whoa Irish whiskey is some strong stuff. Ride the train or the bus with all the other awesome Clevelanders who come downtown to party on this glorious day that is Saint Patrick's Day.

Now that you've been briefed, you may now go about your Cleveland Saint Patrick's Day festivities. Slainte!

[Photos courtesy of Samantha Choleva]